Posts Tagged ‘ass’

These are lessons I’ve learned through my years of exploits. If you like them, then go back and read previous posts to get the full lessons.
  • You will NEVER meet a decent guy in a bar
  • If you just want to kick a man out of bed after anything sexual, or the next morning, then you don’t like him.
  • If a guy really like you then he will come to you. He doesn’t make you chase him.
  • Don’t say “Will you kiss me?” when asking for a blow job. I don’t know why, but it’s always annoyed me. Ask will you go down on me.
  • When having sex with whip cream just use little bits at a time, and lick it off. Don’t cover your whole body.
  • Women, DON’T tell a man you’re NOT going to have sex with him unless you MEAN IT!
  • To get morning sex from a woman kiss the back of her neck a few times and then ignore her. To get sex without trying then just don’t try and we’ll eventually want to jump your bones.

    This does exist in Prague. The penis also moves.


  • Men, don’t kick a woman out in the middle of the night! And if you do you better ensure that she gets home safely.
  • Use lube if you are prone to soreness during sex. Lube is God’s girft to women.
  • Use a vibtrating cock ring during sex. You’ll understand once you try it.
  • Ignore queefs. They happen.
  • Say “I like it when…” when you are trying to change a man in bed.
  • Women, let a man put his finger in your butthole. Don’t knock it till you try it. Men, put a finger in a girl’s butthole, but very slowly. Tease around the area for a while, and most likely it’ll turn her on so much she’ll let you do it.
  • Dress somewhere between prude and slut on a first date. Cover up some, but try to show a good amount of cleavage. Even if you’re sitting at a table the whole time he can see your cleavage.
  • Your parents were right “He’s after one thing, and one thing only”. ALWAYS. Just assume it.
  • Have an after sex towel by your bed. No one wants to lie around feeling lubey down there, and it makes for easy clean up.
  • When it comes to fingering and eating out you can never go wrong with light or teasing. Rubbing and licking hard gets boring fast, light teasing constantly drives a woman crazy. Use a mix of both.

More to come. I have learned a lot.

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My best friend decided one night to set me up with her sexy French roommate. He came out bar hopping with our group, and we immediately hit it off. By the end of the night we were making out in the bar. We decided to head back to my apartment. We loaded up on drunken take out food, and went back to my place where we ate and hung out. Finally we started fooling around. I was very drunk, so the details are fuzzy. I do remember it being the worst fingering of my life. Like super painful, and I ket saying “Be gentle”. He wasn’t. That’s as far as it went. He was a good cuddler though.



I love to cuddle. Like LOVE IT. Yet even with a gorgeous guy who was a great cuddler I wasn’t into it. The next morning I just wanted him gone. I’ve had this before where after sex I just want them to leave so I can watch Buffy and eat junk food. This has taught me an important lesson.

RULE: If you just want a man out of bed after anything sexual, or the next morning, then you don’t like him.

Sometimes we try so hard to convince ourselves we like a guy, but often we don’t. A guy you like you will want to spend all day in bed with. You will want to fall asleep next to them. If you’re not feeling that, then you don’t like them. Remember that.

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When I lost my virginity it was very much planned. I’m not talking candles or any of that nonsense, but I knew who and what day I was losing it. So I had time to prepare myself. Here is my advice to any girl who is about to pop their cherry. Sorry guys, I don’t really have any advice for you other than practice putting on a condom.

  • Stretch yourself out. I was one of the lucky girls who didn’t bleed (years of dancing probably did the trick), but either way it will hurt less and make you less nervous if you aren’t quite as tight. Hopefully it will keep you from bleeding as well. You can do this a number of ways. Fingering is one. Masturbation using a vibrator. One of the best ways is to stretch yourself out in the bath tub. The hot water helps.
  • Make sure you have a lot of foreplay. There is no need to rush, and if the guy is trying to rush you he probably isn’t worth fucking. The foreplay gets you wet and ready and will help make for better sex.
  • My biggest advice is USE LUBE. I didn’t for my first time, but later in life when I discovered lubrication I realized it was God’s gift to women. It will help make you a little less sore after your first time. Even if you are wet that can disappear during sex. Lube will last longer. It takes a little while to find the right lube. Make sure it is one that won’t hurt the condom.
  • And of course I know it’s corny, but make sure you are ready. Every woman should remember that sex is never about pleasing a man. It is about pleasing yourself. I don’t do things in bed to make the man happy. I do things that make myself happy, and that usually ends up pleasing them even more because I am enjoying it.
  • Oh and make sure the guys not a douche. He doesn’t have to be your boyfriend or anything, but if he’s an asshole you will regret it.

Just know that there is no flash of lightning, no sudden change. It may be awful. Even if it’s not it will probably be mediocre. You’ll be confused of why sex is a big deal. Believe me it gets better. It gets addictive and amazing.

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Okay men are just starting to downright annoy me. And right now I’m just kind of pissed off. The Brit got back from England last Tuesday and he is swamped with work from being away for two weeks. We planned a time for me to come by and get my bikini that I had forgotten at his place. When I got there we watched tv for a little bit before just getting it on. The sex was amazing yet again. Afterwards we lay on his couch for a while, and then we took a shower. Right after he started replying to more work emails while I sat and drank the water he gave me. Then he left to go running and walked me out.

Two days go by and I’m horny as hell and I send him a text saying “Is it wrong that I can’t get sex off my mind”. No response. He sucks at responding some times, and I’ve been there to see him a get and endless supply of calls and texts so I write it off. Friday comes and I text him to say that I’m going to be hanging at the pool that’s close to him a bunch this weekend and does he want to join me. A few hours later when I’ve given up he texts me to say that Saturday he is going to be in CT playing cricket, but possibly Sunday. Later that night when I’m drunk and horny I send him a dirty text. NO response.

I wake up this morning, it is Sunday to find 4 texts from him. To be fair it’s really two texts that didn’t fit in one text each time. As following:

At 5:34: Yes definitely have been thinking about you. A symbiosis between you and my penis ! Same as the past few weeks just need u to get into it for the first t- (texts breaks here and continues in another text) ime….!!      U frigid cow!!!

At 5:46: I know you are up, you cheeky little girl, stop pretending !   And then he sent the sam text from before in this one and had to finish it in a second text.

What the hell?

Okay I’m not exactly sure what he meant by any of this. To be fair I have dirty texted him before so I opened the door for it. I’m not sure what he meant by getting me into it for the first time. I think it might be that we discussed last time that I haven’t cum with him yet. Now as for the frigid cow, I have no fucking clue what that is about. I’m not a frigid person. I’m fun and wild, and that is just weird.

So I texted him at 9:30: Um how drunk were you when you texted me? Lol. Let me know if you want to join me at the pool today.

NO response. I figure he’s asleep or hungover. He was texting me at nearly 6 in the morning. Finally at 3 pm I call him and leave a message just saying that his texts were hilarious, and intriguing and he should call me and explain them because I was confused about them. No response. What is with this guy? I like him and I know he hasn’t been laid by anyone but me in months. He tells me a bunch how he can’t stop thinking about me. At this point I am baffled. Can anyone explain his behavior?

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Queefing is normal. Both men and women need to learn to understand that. In my experience I have found guys to be pretty understanding of the queef (for the most part). Some are oddly turned on by it. I don’t think there is a girl out there who isn’t embarrassed of queefing. For those of you who don’t now queefing is when air is released from the vagina, generally during sex or what not, and it makes a farting sound.

Dylan's Candy Bar.

The best thing to do is to laugh it off, or to just ignore it. Honestly though I know how awful it feels when one queefs in front of anyone. I once queefed twice in front of an entire dance class. We all had to choreograph our own little routines. IN my I got on the floor and had my legs up in the air. We performed them in front of the class with no music. Just silence. The first time I put my legs up in the air I queefed. I was also like 13 at the time, and didn’t really understand queefing. I had to repeat this dance step, and it happened again. Oh GOD. It was a nightmare.

So if you ever queef during sex don’t feel shitty. You didn”t do it in front of an entire room of a silent watching audience. During sex it doesn’t throw a guy off that much. They usually know what it is, and either way they’re getting laid so they don’t care.

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So when searching around the internet I came across an article by askmen.com. The article was Get Her To Ejaculate. http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_150/184_love_tip.html

There were so many things wrong in this article that it is hard even to begin, but now I know why men are so bad at getting women off. It’s because guys write shit articles and men believe it.

Fountain in the Met.

The article goes on about how there is a good chance of a women peeing herself when she ejaculates, and that if this happens you should be cool about it. Now when nearing orgasm it may feel like you’re about to pee, but it is almost impossible to urinate when turned on. If you’re a woman just think about trying to go to the bathroom after sex, you feel like you need to pee but you can’t make it happen. Later in the article the writer contradicts themselves by saying it is so unlikely that a woman would pee at climax (make up your mind).

They also tell their readers that you will most likely get her to ejaculate through a g spot orgasm. Now I don’t know exactly about ejaculating, but is very unlikely you will even get her to orgasm at all through a g spot orgasm, most women only get clitoris orgasms, me included. Then they continue on in instructions for this which are basically lick her clitoris and finger her (duh that seemed obvious if you wanted to make her orgasm).

Why does ejaculation matter to men? It should be instead make her orgasm because sorry we care way more about cumming than wetting our crotches to make men feel good about themselves. Sorry about the rant, but askmen.com made me a little mad. Men if you have any problem getting your woman off buy a vibrating cock ring and go to town on her. She shouldn’t have any problems then, and she will love you for it.

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Kegel exercises are something that I’ve always slacked off on a bit. I tend to think that I have a pretty strong vagina, but I intend to start working on my exercises more frequently. Not for any pee related reasons (and yes if you have a bladder problem kegel exercises can help), but because when you do these exercises you can get a strong pussy that can blow a guys brains out.

Public art in midtown.

Kegel exercises are when you contract the muscles in your pelvic floor, or pretty much your vagina. The best way to figure out how to do this is to put your finger in and try to contract the muscles around your finger. You should be able to feel it. You can do your exercises anywhere without anyone knowing.

During sex is a great time to use these contractions. During sex sometimes I concentrate on contracting these muscles, and the guy can usually feel it, and is often stunned and really aroused by it. I’ve even done it when a guy is fingering me, and they seem to love how much they can feel it that way. Even if it doesn’t directly pleasure them, knowing I can do that with my vagina is a turn on most of the time.

Now here’s the kicker. There are actually kegel exercises for men as well. I think it’s hilarious that one way men can check to see how strong their muscles are is for them to stick a finger in their ass and try to contract their muscles. Or you could just try to stop mid urination, but that seems much simpler than slipping a finger in one’s own butt hole. Men’s exercises help them last longer during sex, and supposedly you will then have the strength to hold up a wet towel with your hard on (because I often want to use a guy’s dick as my towel rack).

Moral of the story: Both women and MEN should work on their kegel exercises because if I make my vagina super strong I want a man with a strong enough penis to last a long time for me.

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