Posts Tagged ‘boobs’

These are lessons I’ve learned through my years of exploits. If you like them, then go back and read previous posts to get the full lessons.
  • You will NEVER meet a decent guy in a bar
  • If you just want to kick a man out of bed after anything sexual, or the next morning, then you don’t like him.
  • If a guy really like you then he will come to you. He doesn’t make you chase him.
  • Don’t say “Will you kiss me?” when asking for a blow job. I don’t know why, but it’s always annoyed me. Ask will you go down on me.
  • When having sex with whip cream just use little bits at a time, and lick it off. Don’t cover your whole body.
  • Women, DON’T tell a man you’re NOT going to have sex with him unless you MEAN IT!
  • To get morning sex from a woman kiss the back of her neck a few times and then ignore her. To get sex without trying then just don’t try and we’ll eventually want to jump your bones.

    This does exist in Prague. The penis also moves.


  • Men, don’t kick a woman out in the middle of the night! And if you do you better ensure that she gets home safely.
  • Use lube if you are prone to soreness during sex. Lube is God’s girft to women.
  • Use a vibtrating cock ring during sex. You’ll understand once you try it.
  • Ignore queefs. They happen.
  • Say “I like it when…” when you are trying to change a man in bed.
  • Women, let a man put his finger in your butthole. Don’t knock it till you try it. Men, put a finger in a girl’s butthole, but very slowly. Tease around the area for a while, and most likely it’ll turn her on so much she’ll let you do it.
  • Dress somewhere between prude and slut on a first date. Cover up some, but try to show a good amount of cleavage. Even if you’re sitting at a table the whole time he can see your cleavage.
  • Your parents were right “He’s after one thing, and one thing only”. ALWAYS. Just assume it.
  • Have an after sex towel by your bed. No one wants to lie around feeling lubey down there, and it makes for easy clean up.
  • When it comes to fingering and eating out you can never go wrong with light or teasing. Rubbing and licking hard gets boring fast, light teasing constantly drives a woman crazy. Use a mix of both.

More to come. I have learned a lot.

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So while living in London after rejecting the Bad Boy Brit I hung out with Abercrombie (as I have nicknamed him because he wears abercrombie and looks like an abercrombie model). Abercrombie is 6’4″ and absolutely gorgeous. I texted him about hanging out, as he had asked me to do. We went to a club in Covent Garden together. I was dressed in my sexiest black dress and looking fine. We were going out as friends, but knew we liked each other so the protocal was a little awkward. Finally through the haze of alcohol and booty dancing we began making out. I also find it funny that women in England don’t booty dance as we do in the states. They just bounce awkwardly to the music. I don’t know how they have any fun.

Finally we leave around 2 am, and he lives in the suburbs so he would have to spend a few hours on a night bus to get home. I invite him back to mine to sleep on the floor. I share a bedroom with another girl. We get there, and he is just the friendliest guy so he befriends her right away. We all end up sitting on my bed together watching a movie as if it is perfectly normal, so she lets him stay. I finally decide to let him share my bed. He is in his boxers, and we’re squished into this tiny one person bed, which leads to some cuddling. In the morning it leads to some mild fooling around, since my roommate is present. Finally I see him out.


At our next spinning group the Bad Boy Brit is constantly trying to get my attention, and I try to always be speaking to someone else whenever he is near. Near the end of the group he asks to speak to me, so I do. He awkwardly confronts me about why I canceled our date, and I try to explain, but he gets very upset and strange and finally storms off. Later he texts me to apologize. Let’s just say in the future he chases me with fire at a fire burning party, asks me to be part of a threesome, tries to facebook friend me, and then texts me a month later to try again to ask me to drinks. Yeah, like I would say yes to that.

Abercrombie and I continue dating. We go to Primrose Hill and Camden Market on a great date, and hang out each week at the spinning group. Finally he invites me to come to his place for the night which I accept. Details on that later.

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Mysteries of Men

I am currently living London, where I have had many fun exploits. Recently though I met someone amazing. If you are reading this and think this is going to be some love full gaga story, don’t worry, it won’t be. I have recently started attending burning events throughout Europe. They are spin offs of Burning Man in the States. (Yes I say the States, I live in London. I also say chips, crisps, and where is the toilet.) At the London Burner Party I met this fabulous guy. He was funny, sweet, and somewhat sexy. The party goes until 7 am, but around 3:30 am we were both tired, so he asked me back to his place. I went on the condition that he understand I would not have sex with him. He accepted this and we spent an amazing night fooling around, a great morning, and around 1 pm he took me to breakfast and then drove me home. Also he is the world’s best cuddler. We wake up just as we fell asleep, with my head on his chest.

The John Lennon Wall in Prague

Later that day he texted to ask me out for that week. He took me to a gorgeous restaurant, at which he had made a reservation. We went for drinks, and again went back to his place to only fool around. When I get home the next day I receive a text telling me what a wonderful time he had. I go out of town and he continues to text me while I’m away for a week. On our next date, after having a nice Italian lunch, going to an art gallery, and getting cake and coffee we finally sleep together, and the sex is amazing. Afterwards he wants to keep the light on so he can just look at me. He smiles at me like I’m amazing, and for the first time in a long while I am not just bored with him after sex, because I find him truly interesting. We are both into theater and art.He texts me multiple times the next day saying things like “What an amazing eve. And great way to wake up 😉 Thank you. Have a good dayxx” and later that day “Been smiling to myself all day. Couldn’t concentrate for toffee”.

We get together another night for more mind blowing sex, and he comes on bottom, which he says is a first for him. We have more great morning sex as well. Then he texts me “Haven’t stopped smiling all day! Thank you for a great night.” When he is gone that weekend he texts me “missing your sexyness” as well as “God sex was good Wednesday”, and after he texts me to ask how I am doing I here nothing back from him for days. This starts to get more strange as he doesn’t reply to anything I’ve sent. I start to wonder if he has lost his phone. Normally I would just think a guy is blowing me off, but this seems a strange point to blow me off at. I finally leave him a voicemail with my phone number in case he lost his phone. I get a text that night saying “Soz for the lack of communication. Work has been an arse and sent me to Barcelona on Monday and just landed at heathrow, just heading home. Absolutely buggered. You around this weekend x” I text him back which days I am free. Then I hear nothing from him. On Friday I text him “You want to do something this weekend? I could use some great sex after the long week I’ve had.” I hear nothing. This all seems very strange to me. A few days later I text him to ask him why the disappearance, and if he is blowing me off could I just have a reason. I let him know since I’m only here for a little while I’m just in this for fun and sex. Still I have heard nothing.

This has screwed with my head way more than the normal guy blow off. This guy seemed ridiculously into me. The sex was amazing, and he stopped talking to me at an odd point. He was the one texting me about missing me, and how great sex was. Then BOOM nothing. And then when he does respond about Barcelona, nothing after that, even after he asked about my weekend plans. I have started to think that he was just playing me from the beginning, which if so men have become even better actors. After years of dating in NYC I thought I could generally judge a man using me, but this one didn’t change even right after sex, but literally mid text conversation. If you have any idea as to what happened, please let me know. I’m at the point where I just feel he was a user, but at the same time I can’t believe a guy would go this far into acting, and the after follow through. So what the hell happened? (I have even more cutesy texts than that, but I thought I’d spare you)

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So when my sexy older man is going down on me he started to do something with my feet I wasn’t used to. He would put them around his penis with his hands, and start to move them in a way that I was basically giving a foot job. Now this does not bother me at all. I’m not really into foot fetishes as can be seen in my previous posts, but a foot job turned out to be a lot easier than a hand job. He did most of the work, and I let him use my feet. Plus he was able to eat me out while he did this.

Feet seem to becoming more and more prevalent in our society. More and more often I’m meeting men who admit to liking feet. Now not all of them want to suck on my toes like one of my ex’s, but it seems each man has a different version of a foot fetish. Some just want to touch them, some want to suck on your toes, and some want a foot job. I honestly cannot understand the appeal of a woman’s feet. They are smelly and not that attractive, but I guess they are today’s new it body part. Men please explain this to me.

Soon I learned my sexy older man had an even more selective foot fetish. One night he asked me to bring over stockings. I luckily have a nice pair of black thigh highs with bows on the top. I wore them for him and after I had finished during sex he used my feet to give himself a foot job again. Afterwards he explained that he has had this fetish of stocking foot jobs most of his life. He especially likes white stockings.

Later when discussing this with a friend she admitted to dating a guy with the same fetish, but with her once she had done it once she was expected to do it every time. Her guy would pout and whine if she did not have stockings. Luckily my sexy older man is not like this. I have done it once so far, and am willing to do it again but he never presses the issue much.

But when did stocking foot jobs become the IT foot fetish, and does it really feel more awesome than a vagina or a mouth?

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Now I have never been a fan of the idea of food sex. I love food. And I love sex, but the idea of combining to two just seemed like a messy idea that probably would sound better than it would be. This I have found is not actually the case. Now the key I have learned is in moderation. If you cover large portions of yourself in whip cream your just going to end up sticky and gross, but if you use it in moderation it can be a lot of tasty fun.

Washington Square Park

This new guy and I decided on the spur of the moment to have some fun with whip cream. We picked up a can on the way back to his place. There we fooled around on the couch and the floor, and using the whip cream. He would squirt just a dab of it on my nipple and eat it off. Or make a a happy trail on me and eat it all the way down. Now the key hear was using just a little bit at a time. I would do the same to him. Just put a little in your partner’s erogenous zone and lick it off. It’s a lot of fun.

He actually lived with his parents though, and the next day he had to explain to his mom why he had a bottle of whip cream in his room, and a condom wrapper in his pant’s pocket.

This experience also reminded me of the crazy food sex ideas my friends and I would come up with when we were just dirty minded kids. The top two were masturbating with a candy bar, which would make you taste good if a guy ate you out after. The other was to get hot doughnuts from Krispy Kreme and put them on a guys penis and eat them off . Makes for an interesting and tasty start to a blow job. To be clear I’ve never actually tried either of these, they were just wild ideas. But if you do try them let me know how it goes.

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I date in NYC, so I have seen just about every line guys use to get you back to their apartment, or yours. At the end of a date a guy will try to entice you back to their place.

  • Trying to invite you over for a drink, or to share a bottle of wine. The drinking portion will last two seconds, and they they will be trying to get into your pants.
  • Saying that they have a great roof to hang out on. They also have a bedroom, but they don’t bring that up until five minutes of hanging out on the roof.
  • Television, watching a movie, or watching a sports game is less used, but I have seen it. And you will not get to watch any of the movie.
  • Weed. And you’ll only actually get to smoke if you’re lucky. Sometimes they’re asses who promise to smoke you up, but only try to screw you instead.
  • If they have a car in NYC, they will try to offer to give you a ride home in hopes that once your in the car it will be harder for you to say no to coming over.

Cony Island

Know one thing, even if you tell them before you agree to come over that you will not be fooling around with them, and that you hate when guys try that, they still will. Rule of thumb, DO NOT go to their place unless you want to fool around.

Also, even your place is a no no. They will still try to get into your pants. Do not think you are better off at fending them off there.

And men, the reason women don’t want to sleep with you is because you are always trying to immediately get into their pants. Just because you spent $7 on a gin an tonic does not mean we are fair game. This especially goes for not as attractive looking men going on a date with a more attractive girl. In their mind they are already taking a step down the looks ladder because they like your personality. They are NOT going to sleep with you right away. Women will sleep with gorgeous guys sooner, but that’s because they are more sexually attracted to them.

Recently I went out with this short so-so looking guy. He was a few inches shorter than me, and not as attractive as I usually date, but he had a great personality. Our date was really fun, and we had lots to talk about. After he offered me a ride home, then he tried to talk me into coming back to his place to share a bottle of wine. I said no, but that he could come over to my place and drink it. He was up for it, until I mentioned that I shared a room with a girl, he then abruptly dropped me off at my place. Ya he’s definitely an ass, and I may sound cocky, but he’s definitely not hot enough for me to fool around with right away.

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My friend was recently strapped for cash, so she took a job as a professional dominatrix at a dungeon. She’s never done this sort of work before, but the  manager seemed nice and told her no sex was involved.

She went in for her first night where she would be training by working with the other girls. She kept getting offered jobs, but a lot of them she turned down. One man she turned down liked to have four girls in the room. One to have for him to look at, one to twist his nipples,one to jerk him off , and one to shove a dildo up his ass. I don’t actually think this is legal. He is a regular supposedly, so they do things they normally don’t do for most clients. You can understand why she didn’t want to work that job.

Next she was offered to wrestle a man in her underwear. He was in a speedo and he taught the girls wrestling moves and had them try them out on him, but he did not wrestle back. They choked him, and kicked him in the balls repeatedly.

She decided to turn down a bunch of jobs because she didn’t want to pee on anyone, give an enema, or make out with other girls (her boyfriend considers that cheating). She was just about to give up and quit when the manager told her there was a man coming in who only wanted to smoke cigarettes with her, so she agreed. She came in and he asked for some time to prepare for the session. She left the room and when she came back he was buck naked wearing a mask that had a tube coming from his mouth. She had to puff the ciggs and blow smoke through the tube to him while he jacked himself off. Some people are turned on by strange things. For this she got paid $80 and a $20 tip. She had to smoke like 10 ciggs and her mouth tasted of smoke until the next night.

So if you are considering working at a dungeon know that it is not all whipping men and calling them names. It is a sketchy business that is only suited for some.

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