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Posts Tagged ‘breasts’

My best friend decided one night to set me up with her sexy French roommate. He came out bar hopping with our group, and we immediately hit it off. By the end of the night we were making out in the bar. We decided to head back to my apartment. We loaded up on drunken take out food, and went back to my place where we ate and hung out. Finally we started fooling around. I was very drunk, so the details are fuzzy. I do remember it being the worst fingering of my life. Like super painful, and I ket saying “Be gentle”. He wasn’t. That’s as far as it went. He was a good cuddler though.

Barcelona!

Barcelona!

I love to cuddle. Like LOVE IT. Yet even with a gorgeous guy who was a great cuddler I wasn’t into it. The next morning I just wanted him gone. I’ve had this before where after sex I just want them to leave so I can watch Buffy and eat junk food. This has taught me an important lesson.

RULE: If you just want a man out of bed after anything sexual, or the next morning, then you don’t like him.

Sometimes we try so hard to convince ourselves we like a guy, but often we don’t. A guy you like you will want to spend all day in bed with. You will want to fall asleep next to them. If you’re not feeling that, then you don’t like them. Remember that.

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Upon moving to London I joined a circus spinning group. I am currently a hula hooper, and can do many tricks with my hoop. When I first joined the group I met a gorgeous british man who I call abercrombie, one because he looks like an abercrombie model, and two because he wears a lot of abercrombie. He seemed to be flirting with me, until the badboy brit of the group started to flirt with me way more. I love the attention so I continued to flirt with the badboy as well, who is a metal head rocker boy. The group spent a night on the beach of the Thames spinning fire (because that’s what weird fire spinners do on Friday night), and I drunkenly made out with said badboy.

Shortly after that badboy called me to ask me out. He was very shy about it, which at the time was adorable. Next spinning group he is hanging all over me, acting possessive, getting physical, and talking all about how much money he is going to spend on me on our date. He even was saying that if I spent the night at his place he would sleep on the couch. We have not gone on a date yet, so stop assuming I’m coming home with you either way. By the end of the night I knew I was going to cancel the date.

Rockin in Budapest!

I texted him a day later to say that I was sorry, but I was hung up on my ex boyfriend in the states and didn’t feel right going out with him. A pussy move I know, but the man literally has a fire sword. Yeah, a sword that lights on fire. My rule of thumb try not to piss off men with swords. He then starts texting me trying to convince me to come out with him as friends and to see if it progresses from there. He starts calling me as well, and begging me to pick up. I decline of course. I’m sorry, but to be this crazy before we’ve been on a date is strange. People think women are crazy, but men are just as much so. Though by canceling my date it did leave me time to spend with Mr. Abercrombie. Details to come at a later posting. Let’s just say he looks like an abercrombie model with his shirt off as well.

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So I recently began a summer fling with a man most people would deem too old for me. We hang out at the same bar, and share many of the same friends. I didn’t know or think about his age when we first began to hit it off. I’m twenty-one, and often date guys in their early thirties.

One night I go home with him, and we fool around a bit, and then lie and talk for a while. Finally I ask him his age. He has me guess, and I say around 28 29. He admits a few moments later that he is older than that… by ten years. I’m lying in bed with someone who is 38. He’s basically old enough to have fathered me. At the same time he is interesting and smart. He builds websites for a living and is a vegetarian, recycles everything, and rides a bike everywhere. Generally a good guy, says my friends who have known him a while. (P.S. riding a bike everywhere ensures that you have a rocking body at 38).

Who doesn't love the muppets?Now in our society where do we draw a line on age gaps? My mother has always been okay with my dating guys in their early thirties, but I know this would be too much for her to handle. Also I am soon moving to London, so no matter what this is only a summer fling.

Should we not date men nearly 20 years older than us?

I could date a guy my own age for the summer who treats me like crap, or I could date a man much too old for me who bought me a toothbrush to have at his apartment on the second weekend I was there. Is it better to date a nice guy, or an appropriate guy?

For now I’m sticking with my sexy older man. Plus watching him sing Young Girl at karaoke was hilarious, and completely appropriate.

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Spots that turn a decent amount of girls on, and most men as well:

  • Kissing the back of the neck. We like that so please do it. While we’re spooning is nice, but feel free to come up behind us, pull our hair aside and kiss the back of our necks.
  • The ear is a great place. The key is to do it right. Don’t slobber over our ears. Gently nibble on the, and for the best effect let out a little breath or even a ever so soft moan into our ear and it will get us going. Same works on guys, believe me.
  • Our inner thighs are crucial. If you want to eat us out don’t just stay on our pussy. Take moments to tease us by moving away and kissing the inside of our thighs.
  • Our fingertips are a great sensitive area. Please kiss them and just slightly put them in you mouth. It’s hot and feels good.
  • Pulling our hair gently feels great. It reminds us that you aren’t entirely a good little boy.

If only snow wasn't so cold.

So everyone remember that you have to give love to a lot of different spots on the body. Not just the genitals.

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Now I have never been a fan of the idea of food sex. I love food. And I love sex, but the idea of combining to two just seemed like a messy idea that probably would sound better than it would be. This I have found is not actually the case. Now the key I have learned is in moderation. If you cover large portions of yourself in whip cream your just going to end up sticky and gross, but if you use it in moderation it can be a lot of tasty fun.

Washington Square Park

This new guy and I decided on the spur of the moment to have some fun with whip cream. We picked up a can on the way back to his place. There we fooled around on the couch and the floor, and using the whip cream. He would squirt just a dab of it on my nipple and eat it off. Or make a a happy trail on me and eat it all the way down. Now the key hear was using just a little bit at a time. I would do the same to him. Just put a little in your partner’s erogenous zone and lick it off. It’s a lot of fun.

He actually lived with his parents though, and the next day he had to explain to his mom why he had a bottle of whip cream in his room, and a condom wrapper in his pant’s pocket.

This experience also reminded me of the crazy food sex ideas my friends and I would come up with when we were just dirty minded kids. The top two were masturbating with a candy bar, which would make you taste good if a guy ate you out after. The other was to get hot doughnuts from Krispy Kreme and put them on a guys penis and eat them off . Makes for an interesting and tasty start to a blow job. To be clear I’ve never actually tried either of these, they were just wild ideas. But if you do try them let me know how it goes.

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So I have found that all men tend to make the same mistakes which lead to women not wanting to sleep with them. Lately every guy I go out with has actually made me not ever want to sleep with them even though I am craving sex like no other. So men here is what women want in a nutshell:

Women want to feel like sex is their idea!

Art Piece on top of the Met

I know you think your chances are getting better by nudging us towards sex, but unless she is a desperate slut with no feeling of self worth she is more likely to sleep with you if you don’t push. Here is an example:

I dated this dominican guy a while back (the one with the foot fetish and who banged me like a jackhammer in a bad way) well he never tried anything more then kissing in the car. He never invited me back to his place to “watch tv” or “drink wine” (women are not idiots). So it got to the point where I was dying to sleep with him and asked him to stay the night at my place. He got laid.

We drifted apart soon after, and I didn’t really care because he was shit in bed. Now I had met his brother on our second date when he took me to a family barbecue (awkward date, never ask a girl to something like this especially if everyone there speaks spanish and she doesn’t). Well his brother is an actor and we had a great chat so we became facebook friends. A week ago his brother asked me out after finding out we haven’t been dating for a while. I promise it wasn’t as weird as it sounds. We went out and grabbed dinner and had a fun time. We sat in his car at the end of the date and he kissed me, and he seemed kind of sweet and nice. We had talked about watching a movie and getting stoned sometime, so he invited me over for Wednesday. I usually never got to a guy’s place on a second date, but I made an exception.

I get there and he is all over me. He suggests watching tv in the bedroom and we’ll “get to the movies later”. Now HERE is where he made his mistake. I was immediately turned off because he kind of forced fooling around as soon as I got in the door. Unlike the British guy who would turn on the tv and we would cuddle and talk for a little while before getting to it, this guy tried to get me straight away.

Now how to get laid is to make the girl feel like sex isn’t forced upon her. If you invite her over to watch movies and smoke pot, follow through on it for a bit. Smoke pot, start a movie, as if your innocent and the plan wasn’t just to fuck her. Then see if she starts to come to you during the movie. If she doesn’t try subtly to get her a few kisses here and there and see how she responds. If she’s not into it and you try to force it most likely you won’t get laid then or ever in the future. Sometimes patience is a virtue.

Girls find it sexy when they feel like they are pushing sex on the guy. It’s a huge turn on for it to be our idea, and ours alone.

Also if you are making out and you try moving the girls hand down to your crotch that is most likely a mistake. If you do it once and she doesn’t seem into it, leave it be, because most likely she’ll just get annoyed and never want to get you off. You have a better chance of trying to fool around with her parts then you getting her to fool around with yours. Ya women also only really care about themselves and if they’re going to get off.

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Okay men are just starting to downright annoy me. And right now I’m just kind of pissed off. The Brit got back from England last Tuesday and he is swamped with work from being away for two weeks. We planned a time for me to come by and get my bikini that I had forgotten at his place. When I got there we watched tv for a little bit before just getting it on. The sex was amazing yet again. Afterwards we lay on his couch for a while, and then we took a shower. Right after he started replying to more work emails while I sat and drank the water he gave me. Then he left to go running and walked me out.

Two days go by and I’m horny as hell and I send him a text saying “Is it wrong that I can’t get sex off my mind”. No response. He sucks at responding some times, and I’ve been there to see him a get and endless supply of calls and texts so I write it off. Friday comes and I text him to say that I’m going to be hanging at the pool that’s close to him a bunch this weekend and does he want to join me. A few hours later when I’ve given up he texts me to say that Saturday he is going to be in CT playing cricket, but possibly Sunday. Later that night when I’m drunk and horny I send him a dirty text. NO response.

I wake up this morning, it is Sunday to find 4 texts from him. To be fair it’s really two texts that didn’t fit in one text each time. As following:

At 5:34: Yes definitely have been thinking about you. A symbiosis between you and my penis ! Same as the past few weeks just need u to get into it for the first t- (texts breaks here and continues in another text) ime….!!      U frigid cow!!!

At 5:46: I know you are up, you cheeky little girl, stop pretending !   And then he sent the sam text from before in this one and had to finish it in a second text.

What the hell?

Okay I’m not exactly sure what he meant by any of this. To be fair I have dirty texted him before so I opened the door for it. I’m not sure what he meant by getting me into it for the first time. I think it might be that we discussed last time that I haven’t cum with him yet. Now as for the frigid cow, I have no fucking clue what that is about. I’m not a frigid person. I’m fun and wild, and that is just weird.

So I texted him at 9:30: Um how drunk were you when you texted me? Lol. Let me know if you want to join me at the pool today.

NO response. I figure he’s asleep or hungover. He was texting me at nearly 6 in the morning. Finally at 3 pm I call him and leave a message just saying that his texts were hilarious, and intriguing and he should call me and explain them because I was confused about them. No response. What is with this guy? I like him and I know he hasn’t been laid by anyone but me in months. He tells me a bunch how he can’t stop thinking about me. At this point I am baffled. Can anyone explain his behavior?

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