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Posts Tagged ‘cock’

These are lessons I’ve learned through my years of exploits. If you like them, then go back and read previous posts to get the full lessons.
  • You will NEVER meet a decent guy in a bar
  • If you just want to kick a man out of bed after anything sexual, or the next morning, then you don’t like him.
  • If a guy really like you then he will come to you. He doesn’t make you chase him.
  • Don’t say “Will you kiss me?” when asking for a blow job. I don’t know why, but it’s always annoyed me. Ask will you go down on me.
  • When having sex with whip cream just use little bits at a time, and lick it off. Don’t cover your whole body.
  • Women, DON’T tell a man you’re NOT going to have sex with him unless you MEAN IT!
  • To get morning sex from a woman kiss the back of her neck a few times and then ignore her. To get sex without trying then just don’t try and we’ll eventually want to jump your bones.

    This does exist in Prague. The penis also moves.

     

  • Men, don’t kick a woman out in the middle of the night! And if you do you better ensure that she gets home safely.
  • Use lube if you are prone to soreness during sex. Lube is God’s girft to women.
  • Use a vibtrating cock ring during sex. You’ll understand once you try it.
  • Ignore queefs. They happen.
  • Say “I like it when…” when you are trying to change a man in bed.
  • Women, let a man put his finger in your butthole. Don’t knock it till you try it. Men, put a finger in a girl’s butthole, but very slowly. Tease around the area for a while, and most likely it’ll turn her on so much she’ll let you do it.
  • Dress somewhere between prude and slut on a first date. Cover up some, but try to show a good amount of cleavage. Even if you’re sitting at a table the whole time he can see your cleavage.
  • Your parents were right “He’s after one thing, and one thing only”. ALWAYS. Just assume it.
  • Have an after sex towel by your bed. No one wants to lie around feeling lubey down there, and it makes for easy clean up.
  • When it comes to fingering and eating out you can never go wrong with light or teasing. Rubbing and licking hard gets boring fast, light teasing constantly drives a woman crazy. Use a mix of both.

More to come. I have learned a lot.

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This past Saint Patrick’s day my friend broke up with her long term boyfriend. He had been throwing another useless tantrum, so she said, “I’ve had it!” and threw in the towel. She had been flirting with this other guy who she saw regularly on the train, and they invited us to join them for St Patty’s day. I had to work until 9 pm, but when I got off I went and met her, the guy, and his friend (my setup). My friend was already making out with her fling when I arrived. I started chatting with my setup, and he seemed like a nice fun guy (don’t they all). We started bar hopping, and after another bar I noticed my setup was trying to break up my friend and I. He would say things like “I think they want to go home now, we should let them go off”. But when I questioned my friend she would say no let’s stay together. I did not like my setup trying to split me up from my friend.

Finally she ditched me to go home with her new man. My setup and I continued to bar crawl. After another bar I kissed him, and we made out a little bit occasionally. He finally suggested we go back to his place. I told him point blank that I am not that easy, and even if I did go to his place there is no way in hell I would sleep with him. He kept saying that was fine, and I told him the MOST he would get would be making out topless. He said great, and we went to his place. Honestly I don’t know why I went. I had work in the morning, so I would have to go home that night anyway, but alcohol makes us do stupid things.

When we got there he gave me water and tylenol for my headache, and eventually we began making out topless on his bed as I had promised. After a bit (details fuzzy) I started getting very sleepy, and started of thinking of just staying there and going home early.

At that point as I was dozing off in his bed he told me I needed to leave now. He said

I don’t want to be a sexless innkeeper.

Now I watch How I Met Your Mother, so I know what the sexless innkeeper is. It is a man that a girl picks up, who seems harmless, so they can have a place to sleep in the city. They go home with them and instantly fall asleep. Now I had warned this guy already that I was not going to have sex with him. He basically kicked me out onto the street at 4 am, and didn’t even have the decency to make sure I made it to the subway safely. If you’re going to kick a girl out in the dead of night, walk her to the subway, or give her cab fare to the subway. This is one of the jerkiest moves I have encountered while living in NYC.

Also I always hear from men that women always say they aren’t going to sleep with them, but do in the end when they go home with the man. Who are the women? When I tell a man I’m not going to sleep with him, I never do.

RULE 1:
Women, DON’T tell a man you’re NOT going to have sex with him unless you MEAN IT!

You are making the rest of us look bad, and make it so men don’t believe us when we are simply trying to be straight forward, and not be teases.

All in all this experience has only lessoned my thought of men in NYC.

RULE 2:
Men, don’t kick a woman out in the middle of the night! And if you do you better ensure that she gets home safely.

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All girls, and guys for that matter, have it. The number off the people we’ve slept with. It is a number we love or hate. I personally HATE my number. I never tell anyone but close, nonjudgmental friends. Usually ones whose numbers are larger. My number is 24. I am 21 and started having sex at 17. This number seems to be astronomical, but the funny thing is I don’t have sex constantly. I start seeing someone, after a bit we sleep together, and then a lot of the time it doesn’t pan out, or I move. I usually sleep with five guys a year. That’s one for every couple of months. It’s not like I’m bringing home a new guy every night, but when I look at that number that’s what it feels like. Like that word we all think, but never want to say, SLUT. I get tested, I always ALWAYS use a condom, and I always ask about STD’s first (and yes I know guys might lie, but it’s better to at least ask). So….

How many men is too many men? (or women)

Sagrada Familia in Barcelona

I think that it should be as long as you enjoy it and you’re safe it’s okay, but no matter what I still know men and society would judge me. A guy asks, but never wants to hear a girl list a number that high. Honestly it’s bullshit, that it’s okay for men to sleep with anything, but because my number is high and I’m a woman it’s considered slutty.

I look back at my list and there are mistakes. Men I wish I could erase. Losers who were using me for sex, but growing up is about mistakes, and I’ve never once gotten pregnant or gotten an STD so I think I’m doing good. There are also plenty of men I’ve enjoyed, and who I’m happy I’ve slept with, even if it wasn’t about a lasting relationship. Sometimes the sex, the cuddling, and the continual friendship I’ve had with them is what it’s about.

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We’ve all experienced that okay sex. It’s not bad, it’s not great. It’s just okay. It’s better than no sex. I finally went to abercrombie’s place. He followed all the right moves. He offered to go out and rent a video, or make some food, or we could start a movie, or watch what was on tv. I hate when guys invite you over a first time under a ruse and then don’t pretend to follow it. He pretended to follow it. We watched tv and hung out, and finally began making out, and then taking our cloths off. I went down on him for a bit, and he really enjoyed it. Men need to learn to make noises when they get blow jobs, because like abercrombie, those are then men you want to go down on again. Also men in England, or most places besides the USA, men are mostly not circumcised . In the states almost all guys you meet are, so it has been funny living in London and meeting a good deal of uncircumcised penis’s. I’ve decided I like them more. The men seem more sensitive, and there’s more to play with.

Bath in Budapest!

We finally got to the sex, and it turns out he has a problem cumming. I’ve met a few guys like this in my past, and I always feel bad for them. Women we’re used to it, but men aren’t. Now that I usually get off I get pissed when it doesn’t happen for me. The sex was okay, but the condom kept falling off. This was super frustrating since I am overly protective of my vagina. Also during foreplay, before he has a condom on, he always tries to rub it near my vag. When I get antsy he is always saying “It’s not going in”. I don’t care if it is. Until a condom is on your penis, don’t have it touching my vagina. There are std’s in the world, and semen slip ups, and I don’t want to take any chances. I don’t care if that annoys men, but I’m sorry if I girl sets a limit or a rule, follow it.

He wasn’t a good cuddler either. I personally love to cuddle, and he has never had a real relationship, so he doesn’t know how. He was one of those men who sleep with their back to you. That always annoys me, and it makes it hard for me to sleep. Though in the morning when he took a shower and came back wet in just a towel I knew why I was there. The sex is just okay, but the naked body is so worth it. I love having sex with a man whose body is enough to keep me turned on. To have dirty thoughts about.

Soon our dating declined. I think we realize everything we had between us was lust, and once we had sex we realized even that was only okay. I also realized nice as he was, he was dumb as shit. There was nothing to talk about. Since then we’ve become sex friends. I’ve told him about the other guys I’m dating, and he gives me advice and we occasionally have sex. Sometimes we sneak off to the bathroom at our spinning group and give each other oral, which has led to us being trapped in the bathroom when a line forms, and then having to awkwardly exit with everyone giving us dirty looks. I realized that much like a favorite song of mine “I like you so much better when you’re naked”, and that “You’re so sexy, but you’re not really special”.

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I have found the World’s Cutest Condom Store, and I never thought such a thing would even ever exist. My friend’s and I (and I say friends lightly because the girls I traveled with were annoying as hell) went to Amsterdam for a weekend. Walking around one night near the Red Light District we found this adorable store. They had cute little condoms made into to all different animals, statues and shapes. It was cute as hell, and we swore to come back when they were open.

We did come back and we found more cute things. Condoms that were inside of chestnut shells, and more adorable animal condoms. They also sold almost every brand of condom out there, as well as female condoms, and vibrating cock rings. It was safe sex heaven. Also the animal condoms are only for decoration, and not safe for sex. I forget the name, but if you’re ever in Amsterdam I recommend you find this store.

My froggy condom!

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So when my sexy older man is going down on me he started to do something with my feet I wasn’t used to. He would put them around his penis with his hands, and start to move them in a way that I was basically giving a foot job. Now this does not bother me at all. I’m not really into foot fetishes as can be seen in my previous posts, but a foot job turned out to be a lot easier than a hand job. He did most of the work, and I let him use my feet. Plus he was able to eat me out while he did this.

Feet seem to becoming more and more prevalent in our society. More and more often I’m meeting men who admit to liking feet. Now not all of them want to suck on my toes like one of my ex’s, but it seems each man has a different version of a foot fetish. Some just want to touch them, some want to suck on your toes, and some want a foot job. I honestly cannot understand the appeal of a woman’s feet. They are smelly and not that attractive, but I guess they are today’s new it body part. Men please explain this to me.

Soon I learned my sexy older man had an even more selective foot fetish. One night he asked me to bring over stockings. I luckily have a nice pair of black thigh highs with bows on the top. I wore them for him and after I had finished during sex he used my feet to give himself a foot job again. Afterwards he explained that he has had this fetish of stocking foot jobs most of his life. He especially likes white stockings.

Later when discussing this with a friend she admitted to dating a guy with the same fetish, but with her once she had done it once she was expected to do it every time. Her guy would pout and whine if she did not have stockings. Luckily my sexy older man is not like this. I have done it once so far, and am willing to do it again but he never presses the issue much.

But when did stocking foot jobs become the IT foot fetish, and does it really feel more awesome than a vagina or a mouth?

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Now I have never been a fan of the idea of food sex. I love food. And I love sex, but the idea of combining to two just seemed like a messy idea that probably would sound better than it would be. This I have found is not actually the case. Now the key I have learned is in moderation. If you cover large portions of yourself in whip cream your just going to end up sticky and gross, but if you use it in moderation it can be a lot of tasty fun.

Washington Square Park

This new guy and I decided on the spur of the moment to have some fun with whip cream. We picked up a can on the way back to his place. There we fooled around on the couch and the floor, and using the whip cream. He would squirt just a dab of it on my nipple and eat it off. Or make a a happy trail on me and eat it all the way down. Now the key hear was using just a little bit at a time. I would do the same to him. Just put a little in your partner’s erogenous zone and lick it off. It’s a lot of fun.

He actually lived with his parents though, and the next day he had to explain to his mom why he had a bottle of whip cream in his room, and a condom wrapper in his pant’s pocket.

This experience also reminded me of the crazy food sex ideas my friends and I would come up with when we were just dirty minded kids. The top two were masturbating with a candy bar, which would make you taste good if a guy ate you out after. The other was to get hot doughnuts from Krispy Kreme and put them on a guys penis and eat them off . Makes for an interesting and tasty start to a blow job. To be clear I’ve never actually tried either of these, they were just wild ideas. But if you do try them let me know how it goes.

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