Posts Tagged ‘drinking’

Since last writing I have become a professional hula hooper. Yes, that may sound strange, but I do much more than simply hula hoop. Think circus tricks with a hula hoop. It doesn’t hurt that I have a body that looks great in a bikini (believe me I still have all the normal complexes women have anyway). This has helped me with street performing and with getting jobs LED hooping in clubs. I would tell you to look me up on youtube, but I’m anonymous on here so sorry.

HIgh Tea

High Tea at the British Museum

One day while street performing a gorgeous young guy sat near me writing. I barely ever saw him looking at me to my dismay. I’m used to guys oggling or asking me out when I street perform. Finally when I was one my break he came over and asked if I would be interested in performing at a friend’s gig. We got to talking and I asked if he would like to get coffee, and he then asked me for lunch instead. We spent the rest of the day together, oh and I forgot to mention he was Australian. Yeah, gold mine. He was a total sweetheart and we ended up spending the next few days side by side. He never pressured me for sex either. We spent our whole second date watching youtube videos in my bed, and he never tried a thing until I began making out with him. Then it was hot and heavy, but he never tried to push sex on me. He was always willing to come to my place, and to leave at 1 am when I kicked him out because of an early class. After a month of tye dying, lunch dates, nights cuddling, and yes very hot sex (came every time) he had to leave for Australia. He wanted me to wait for him to come back in a couple of months but I have made no promises. We still skype for an hour or so every few days. Sometimes I’m topless and touching myself (all my own idea not his., though he appreciates greatly). This instant click has reminded me of two very important lessons that all women, and especially all women in NYC need to remember.

1. You will NEVER meet a decent guy in a bar.

I know it seems like a bar is the only place to meet a man, and I thought so too for a long time, but you will never meet one there. They only want hook ups. Even when they ask you on a date, these guys are only in it for the end game. Spare yourself the time, and learn this rule. Of course if you like free meals then go out with guys from bars, and tune out everything they say.

2. If a guy really like you then he will come to you.

There are no mixed signals from a guy who really likes you. You should both feel that instant click. He will come to where ever you want, when you want. You won’t have to come to his neck of the woods, he will come to yours. He will work hard to be in your life, and he won’t play games. The guys who have truly liked me have always been clear about it. And it is true if his signals are off then he probably just isn’t that into you.

Now hopefully all will work out with the Australian, but while he”s gone I’ve started sleeping with my new Hot Dork. See next blog post for details.

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So I recently began a summer fling with a man most people would deem too old for me. We hang out at the same bar, and share many of the same friends. I didn’t know or think about his age when we first began to hit it off. I’m twenty-one, and often date guys in their early thirties.

One night I go home with him, and we fool around a bit, and then lie and talk for a while. Finally I ask him his age. He has me guess, and I say around 28 29. He admits a few moments later that he is older than that… by ten years. I’m lying in bed with someone who is 38. He’s basically old enough to have fathered me. At the same time he is interesting and smart. He builds websites for a living and is a vegetarian, recycles everything, and rides a bike everywhere. Generally a good guy, says my friends who have known him a while. (P.S. riding a bike everywhere ensures that you have a rocking body at 38).

Who doesn't love the muppets?Now in our society where do we draw a line on age gaps? My mother has always been okay with my dating guys in their early thirties, but I know this would be too much for her to handle. Also I am soon moving to London, so no matter what this is only a summer fling.

Should we not date men nearly 20 years older than us?

I could date a guy my own age for the summer who treats me like crap, or I could date a man much too old for me who bought me a toothbrush to have at his apartment on the second weekend I was there. Is it better to date a nice guy, or an appropriate guy?

For now I’m sticking with my sexy older man. Plus watching him sing Young Girl at karaoke was hilarious, and completely appropriate.

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The “click” is a crazy phenomenon. It does not happen often, but every once in a while you’re lucky to find someone you just click with. When you click it is instant. Suddenly you’re hanging out with someone and you don’t have to pause and think about things to talk about. There are also multiple levels of the click. Some people you instantly click with on the talking level, and some people it’s on the sexual level, but it’s crazy when you find both.

Then there are the people you have to work a little to click with. I recently dated this lawyer, and we kinda clicked. We liked some of the same movies and he was intelligent. Enough to make you agree to more dates, but nothing to make the butterflies go up and down in your stomach. Him taking me one really nice dates didn’t hurt either.

The same photo of mine that I use for my masthead.

The WORST though are the people you don’t click with at all. Tonight I went on a date with a guy and it was no click what so ever. I met him Friday night, but due to a drinking blackout (doesn’t usually happen to me) I didn’t remember him at all. My friend said he was very nice though, and his texts were hilarious, so I agreed to drinks. I met up with him and his friends at a bar. Let me preface this by saying he is Mexican, and works for the UN. He and his friends all speak spanish, and I do not.

When I saw him I instantly knew there was no click. He wasn’t disgusting, but definitely not my type, and as we hung out it became more clear. Everyone was playing this game scategories, and my completely sucking at this game didn’t help to put me at ease. Also since he and his friends would often forget, they would ramble on to each other in spanish, and I would be stuck awkwardly sitting there wondering what everyone at the table is saying. I don’t mean any of this to be offensive, but as I’ve learned from many occasions, when you’re the only one to not speak the language it’s basically no fun at all.

Finally I was able to excuse myself, with the plea of a lot of work to do at home, and gracefully made my exit. Sadly it only reminded me further that a good click is hard to find.

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I date in NYC, so I have seen just about every line guys use to get you back to their apartment, or yours. At the end of a date a guy will try to entice you back to their place.

  • Trying to invite you over for a drink, or to share a bottle of wine. The drinking portion will last two seconds, and they they will be trying to get into your pants.
  • Saying that they have a great roof to hang out on. They also have a bedroom, but they don’t bring that up until five minutes of hanging out on the roof.
  • Television, watching a movie, or watching a sports game is less used, but I have seen it. And you will not get to watch any of the movie.
  • Weed. And you’ll only actually get to smoke if you’re lucky. Sometimes they’re asses who promise to smoke you up, but only try to screw you instead.
  • If they have a car in NYC, they will try to offer to give you a ride home in hopes that once your in the car it will be harder for you to say no to coming over.

Cony Island

Know one thing, even if you tell them before you agree to come over that you will not be fooling around with them, and that you hate when guys try that, they still will. Rule of thumb, DO NOT go to their place unless you want to fool around.

Also, even your place is a no no. They will still try to get into your pants. Do not think you are better off at fending them off there.

And men, the reason women don’t want to sleep with you is because you are always trying to immediately get into their pants. Just because you spent $7 on a gin an tonic does not mean we are fair game. This especially goes for not as attractive looking men going on a date with a more attractive girl. In their mind they are already taking a step down the looks ladder because they like your personality. They are NOT going to sleep with you right away. Women will sleep with gorgeous guys sooner, but that’s because they are more sexually attracted to them.

Recently I went out with this short so-so looking guy. He was a few inches shorter than me, and not as attractive as I usually date, but he had a great personality. Our date was really fun, and we had lots to talk about. After he offered me a ride home, then he tried to talk me into coming back to his place to share a bottle of wine. I said no, but that he could come over to my place and drink it. He was up for it, until I mentioned that I shared a room with a girl, he then abruptly dropped me off at my place. Ya he’s definitely an ass, and I may sound cocky, but he’s definitely not hot enough for me to fool around with right away.

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Two days ago I got the drunkest I ever had and made a myriad of humiliating choices. I don’t remember most of them, but I have been filled in, and will later get a chance to see videos when I meet up with my friend. My friend Bob is a bartender, and his girlfriend was out of town, so we decided to hang out and drink. We went to the karaoke bar where he works and at 6:30 pm we started drinking and doing shots. BAD IDEA. When I drink solely with guys who have a high tolerance who are buying me drinks I forget that my tolerance is not as high as theirs.

We’re a bit drunk and karaokeed out and we decide to head to the Coyote Ugly Bar. There we drink more, and I get on the bar and dance. Twice. I remember this a bit. I remember I danced very slutty and that it was a blast. According to them I was very good and actually a real crowd pleaser.

Love going to Moma!

Now for the parts of the night I have no memory of. I kissed my friend. The one with a girlfriend, and he didn’t push me off. Now I feel like an idiot and he feels like a douche. By the way I have no feelings for him. I also told him who I had a crush on, and who all my roommates who he knows have a crush on (and he knows the crushes so my roommates are pissed at me). After kissing him and dancing on the bar my guy friends bought me a body shot to do off of the female bartenders stomach because it was recently my birthday. This shot was the one they said that put me over the edge, and I ran out of the bar and threw up. At some point we were supposedly kicked out of Coyote Ugly.

Bob took me all the way home to Brooklyn. I puked on the subway and some Chinese man started covering it with newspaper. Bob walked me home in the rain. My roommates were just about to go to sleep, and at this point it was only 10:30, and Bob told them we had done shots every half hour. He started hanging out with my roommates and drinking with them, and at that point I decided to come out of my room completely pantsless. No pants, no underwear either. And I continued to refuse to put any on. So now Bob has seen my vagina. Then I knocked over a shelf in my bathroom that I share with my roommate. I completely destroyed it from what I’m told, and everything was all over the floor. My roommate set me up in my bedroom with her trash can to puke in.

Next day I woke up went to work, and began to feel the immense shame from the night before. I am not the stupid drunk usually. I have never been this drunk in my life and while the bar dancing was fun I am still a bit humiliated, and pissed that the first time I do a body shot I can’t remember it.

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I have gotten naked in front of people a number of times, but the one that sticks out the most is my naked Palace night. I had just broken up with my boyfriend recently, and then lost my fuck buddy friend. I had already been at one party that night and was drunk, and now I was heading over to see my friend Robert and his friend Steve. The three of us are all hanging out at Steve’s apartment, and somehow they convince me to do jager bombs. I’ve never even had jager before at this point. We start playing cards, and every time I leave the room they fill my glass up once more. Now Robert has always acted like a protective big brother to me, so I trusted him a bit more then I should have.

Street Performers are everywhere!

We decide to play the game Palace. I have never played this card game before, and don’t even know what I’m playing, but we decide to make it a strip game. Within a few minutes I’m naked. Then they decide to put me to bed. They stick me in Steve’s bed completely naked, and with him I might add. Right away he starts trying to touch me. I’ve gotten the spins so I just keep telling him, “Don’t touch me, I’m spinning.” Then I begin to throw up. Luckily I got most of it in a trash can, but there probably was the misfire on the floor.

Next thing I remember is both of them pulling clothing onto me, telling me they’re taking me home. I’m fighting to stay where I am, but it’s just not happening. They stick me in Robert’s car, and give me a plastic bag to throw up in. Robert drops me off at my house, and it’s about 5 am. I immediately run into my father who asks why I’m home so early. I’m stumbling drunk, wearing Steve’s clothing, holding a bag with my clothing, and also carrying a bag of puke. Not a pretty sight. I mumble something about my period pains being so bad that I wanted to come home, and then I went upstairs and passed out. The best part is that I got away with it. My mother the next morning was all sympathetic to my horrible period pains. I’m still shocked they bought that.

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I have yet to decide whether hooking up with guys you’ve dumped is a good or bad idea. On the one hand you’re sleeping with someone you know and trust when you’re drunk and horny, on the other they hate that you don’t want to be with them, and you hate yourself the next morning when you can’t get rid of them.

Random marching band near the Met.

Yesterday was Saint Patrick’s Day. My friends and I started drinking at 6. We had one drink at every bar. We got VERY drunk. When we stopped at our usual watering hole for drinks and food I actually walked through the bar in my bra on a dare (and some young man in his boxers came with me). After that we headed to some bar that had live music.

We get to the door and it costs six dollars. I’m broke and don’t want to pay for some band I don’t know, so my friend pays for me to get in. Once we’re inside I immediately run into an ex. We broke up a little while back and after booty calling him a couple times he told me to delete his number and stay away. He’s happy to see us though, and informs us his band (that he plays guitar in) will be playing. I’m shocked and a bit upset. We did not end things well. I spend part of the time he is playing crying drunkenly in the back for God knows what reason.

After they played we headed with him to one of his favorite bars that we all love as well. At some point he helps my friend score some coke, and I am not too happy about this. She comes back from the bathroom sniffling, and precedes to make out with a few different men. We all keep just trying to keep track of her. Soon we all head back home. My ex comes as well, and he helps us get her back. Along the way we meet a gay man who wants to take her to a party, and then buys her flowers. We finally pry them apart, and I begin to use my babysitting skills on her. I now know people on coke are like five year olds, and asking them which Disney princess is their favorite distracts them.

When we get back we put her to sleep, and then start getting it on. It was good, and very enjoyable. Waking up the next morning and he is there is not quite as much. I awkwardly say goodbye to him, and later that day find a mean message from him on facebook to some drunken rambling I sent him last night, when we were apart for a bit. Then I go and find my friend, and the first thing she asks is, “Where did I get the flowers?”

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