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Posts Tagged ‘fingering’

This past Saint Patrick’s day my friend broke up with her long term boyfriend. He had been throwing another useless tantrum, so she said, “I’ve had it!” and threw in the towel. She had been flirting with this other guy who she saw regularly on the train, and they invited us to join them for St Patty’s day. I had to work until 9 pm, but when I got off I went and met her, the guy, and his friend (my setup). My friend was already making out with her fling when I arrived. I started chatting with my setup, and he seemed like a nice fun guy (don’t they all). We started bar hopping, and after another bar I noticed my setup was trying to break up my friend and I. He would say things like “I think they want to go home now, we should let them go off”. But when I questioned my friend she would say no let’s stay together. I did not like my setup trying to split me up from my friend.

Finally she ditched me to go home with her new man. My setup and I continued to bar crawl. After another bar I kissed him, and we made out a little bit occasionally. He finally suggested we go back to his place. I told him point blank that I am not that easy, and even if I did go to his place there is no way in hell I would sleep with him. He kept saying that was fine, and I told him the MOST he would get would be making out topless. He said great, and we went to his place. Honestly I don’t know why I went. I had work in the morning, so I would have to go home that night anyway, but alcohol makes us do stupid things.

When we got there he gave me water and tylenol for my headache, and eventually we began making out topless on his bed as I had promised. After a bit (details fuzzy) I started getting very sleepy, and started of thinking of just staying there and going home early.

At that point as I was dozing off in his bed he told me I needed to leave now. He said

I don’t want to be a sexless innkeeper.

Now I watch How I Met Your Mother, so I know what the sexless innkeeper is. It is a man that a girl picks up, who seems harmless, so they can have a place to sleep in the city. They go home with them and instantly fall asleep. Now I had warned this guy already that I was not going to have sex with him. He basically kicked me out onto the street at 4 am, and didn’t even have the decency to make sure I made it to the subway safely. If you’re going to kick a girl out in the dead of night, walk her to the subway, or give her cab fare to the subway. This is one of the jerkiest moves I have encountered while living in NYC.

Also I always hear from men that women always say they aren’t going to sleep with them, but do in the end when they go home with the man. Who are the women? When I tell a man I’m not going to sleep with him, I never do.

RULE 1:
Women, DON’T tell a man you’re NOT going to have sex with him unless you MEAN IT!

You are making the rest of us look bad, and make it so men don’t believe us when we are simply trying to be straight forward, and not be teases.

All in all this experience has only lessoned my thought of men in NYC.

RULE 2:
Men, don’t kick a woman out in the middle of the night! And if you do you better ensure that she gets home safely.

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So while living in London after rejecting the Bad Boy Brit I hung out with Abercrombie (as I have nicknamed him because he wears abercrombie and looks like an abercrombie model). Abercrombie is 6’4″ and absolutely gorgeous. I texted him about hanging out, as he had asked me to do. We went to a club in Covent Garden together. I was dressed in my sexiest black dress and looking fine. We were going out as friends, but knew we liked each other so the protocal was a little awkward. Finally through the haze of alcohol and booty dancing we began making out. I also find it funny that women in England don’t booty dance as we do in the states. They just bounce awkwardly to the music. I don’t know how they have any fun.

Finally we leave around 2 am, and he lives in the suburbs so he would have to spend a few hours on a night bus to get home. I invite him back to mine to sleep on the floor. I share a bedroom with another girl. We get there, and he is just the friendliest guy so he befriends her right away. We all end up sitting on my bed together watching a movie as if it is perfectly normal, so she lets him stay. I finally decide to let him share my bed. He is in his boxers, and we’re squished into this tiny one person bed, which leads to some cuddling. In the morning it leads to some mild fooling around, since my roommate is present. Finally I see him out.

Prague!

At our next spinning group the Bad Boy Brit is constantly trying to get my attention, and I try to always be speaking to someone else whenever he is near. Near the end of the group he asks to speak to me, so I do. He awkwardly confronts me about why I canceled our date, and I try to explain, but he gets very upset and strange and finally storms off. Later he texts me to apologize. Let’s just say in the future he chases me with fire at a fire burning party, asks me to be part of a threesome, tries to facebook friend me, and then texts me a month later to try again to ask me to drinks. Yeah, like I would say yes to that.

Abercrombie and I continue dating. We go to Primrose Hill and Camden Market on a great date, and hang out each week at the spinning group. Finally he invites me to come to his place for the night which I accept. Details on that later.

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So when my sexy older man is going down on me he started to do something with my feet I wasn’t used to. He would put them around his penis with his hands, and start to move them in a way that I was basically giving a foot job. Now this does not bother me at all. I’m not really into foot fetishes as can be seen in my previous posts, but a foot job turned out to be a lot easier than a hand job. He did most of the work, and I let him use my feet. Plus he was able to eat me out while he did this.

Feet seem to becoming more and more prevalent in our society. More and more often I’m meeting men who admit to liking feet. Now not all of them want to suck on my toes like one of my ex’s, but it seems each man has a different version of a foot fetish. Some just want to touch them, some want to suck on your toes, and some want a foot job. I honestly cannot understand the appeal of a woman’s feet. They are smelly and not that attractive, but I guess they are today’s new it body part. Men please explain this to me.

Soon I learned my sexy older man had an even more selective foot fetish. One night he asked me to bring over stockings. I luckily have a nice pair of black thigh highs with bows on the top. I wore them for him and after I had finished during sex he used my feet to give himself a foot job again. Afterwards he explained that he has had this fetish of stocking foot jobs most of his life. He especially likes white stockings.

Later when discussing this with a friend she admitted to dating a guy with the same fetish, but with her once she had done it once she was expected to do it every time. Her guy would pout and whine if she did not have stockings. Luckily my sexy older man is not like this. I have done it once so far, and am willing to do it again but he never presses the issue much.

But when did stocking foot jobs become the IT foot fetish, and does it really feel more awesome than a vagina or a mouth?

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Spots that turn a decent amount of girls on, and most men as well:

  • Kissing the back of the neck. We like that so please do it. While we’re spooning is nice, but feel free to come up behind us, pull our hair aside and kiss the back of our necks.
  • The ear is a great place. The key is to do it right. Don’t slobber over our ears. Gently nibble on the, and for the best effect let out a little breath or even a ever so soft moan into our ear and it will get us going. Same works on guys, believe me.
  • Our inner thighs are crucial. If you want to eat us out don’t just stay on our pussy. Take moments to tease us by moving away and kissing the inside of our thighs.
  • Our fingertips are a great sensitive area. Please kiss them and just slightly put them in you mouth. It’s hot and feels good.
  • Pulling our hair gently feels great. It reminds us that you aren’t entirely a good little boy.

If only snow wasn't so cold.

So everyone remember that you have to give love to a lot of different spots on the body. Not just the genitals.

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Now I have never been a fan of the idea of food sex. I love food. And I love sex, but the idea of combining to two just seemed like a messy idea that probably would sound better than it would be. This I have found is not actually the case. Now the key I have learned is in moderation. If you cover large portions of yourself in whip cream your just going to end up sticky and gross, but if you use it in moderation it can be a lot of tasty fun.

Washington Square Park

This new guy and I decided on the spur of the moment to have some fun with whip cream. We picked up a can on the way back to his place. There we fooled around on the couch and the floor, and using the whip cream. He would squirt just a dab of it on my nipple and eat it off. Or make a a happy trail on me and eat it all the way down. Now the key hear was using just a little bit at a time. I would do the same to him. Just put a little in your partner’s erogenous zone and lick it off. It’s a lot of fun.

He actually lived with his parents though, and the next day he had to explain to his mom why he had a bottle of whip cream in his room, and a condom wrapper in his pant’s pocket.

This experience also reminded me of the crazy food sex ideas my friends and I would come up with when we were just dirty minded kids. The top two were masturbating with a candy bar, which would make you taste good if a guy ate you out after. The other was to get hot doughnuts from Krispy Kreme and put them on a guys penis and eat them off . Makes for an interesting and tasty start to a blow job. To be clear I’ve never actually tried either of these, they were just wild ideas. But if you do try them let me know how it goes.

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I date in NYC, so I have seen just about every line guys use to get you back to their apartment, or yours. At the end of a date a guy will try to entice you back to their place.

  • Trying to invite you over for a drink, or to share a bottle of wine. The drinking portion will last two seconds, and they they will be trying to get into your pants.
  • Saying that they have a great roof to hang out on. They also have a bedroom, but they don’t bring that up until five minutes of hanging out on the roof.
  • Television, watching a movie, or watching a sports game is less used, but I have seen it. And you will not get to watch any of the movie.
  • Weed. And you’ll only actually get to smoke if you’re lucky. Sometimes they’re asses who promise to smoke you up, but only try to screw you instead.
  • If they have a car in NYC, they will try to offer to give you a ride home in hopes that once your in the car it will be harder for you to say no to coming over.

Cony Island

Know one thing, even if you tell them before you agree to come over that you will not be fooling around with them, and that you hate when guys try that, they still will. Rule of thumb, DO NOT go to their place unless you want to fool around.

Also, even your place is a no no. They will still try to get into your pants. Do not think you are better off at fending them off there.

And men, the reason women don’t want to sleep with you is because you are always trying to immediately get into their pants. Just because you spent $7 on a gin an tonic does not mean we are fair game. This especially goes for not as attractive looking men going on a date with a more attractive girl. In their mind they are already taking a step down the looks ladder because they like your personality. They are NOT going to sleep with you right away. Women will sleep with gorgeous guys sooner, but that’s because they are more sexually attracted to them.

Recently I went out with this short so-so looking guy. He was a few inches shorter than me, and not as attractive as I usually date, but he had a great personality. Our date was really fun, and we had lots to talk about. After he offered me a ride home, then he tried to talk me into coming back to his place to share a bottle of wine. I said no, but that he could come over to my place and drink it. He was up for it, until I mentioned that I shared a room with a girl, he then abruptly dropped me off at my place. Ya he’s definitely an ass, and I may sound cocky, but he’s definitely not hot enough for me to fool around with right away.

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So I have found that all men tend to make the same mistakes which lead to women not wanting to sleep with them. Lately every guy I go out with has actually made me not ever want to sleep with them even though I am craving sex like no other. So men here is what women want in a nutshell:

Women want to feel like sex is their idea!

Art Piece on top of the Met

I know you think your chances are getting better by nudging us towards sex, but unless she is a desperate slut with no feeling of self worth she is more likely to sleep with you if you don’t push. Here is an example:

I dated this dominican guy a while back (the one with the foot fetish and who banged me like a jackhammer in a bad way) well he never tried anything more then kissing in the car. He never invited me back to his place to “watch tv” or “drink wine” (women are not idiots). So it got to the point where I was dying to sleep with him and asked him to stay the night at my place. He got laid.

We drifted apart soon after, and I didn’t really care because he was shit in bed. Now I had met his brother on our second date when he took me to a family barbecue (awkward date, never ask a girl to something like this especially if everyone there speaks spanish and she doesn’t). Well his brother is an actor and we had a great chat so we became facebook friends. A week ago his brother asked me out after finding out we haven’t been dating for a while. I promise it wasn’t as weird as it sounds. We went out and grabbed dinner and had a fun time. We sat in his car at the end of the date and he kissed me, and he seemed kind of sweet and nice. We had talked about watching a movie and getting stoned sometime, so he invited me over for Wednesday. I usually never got to a guy’s place on a second date, but I made an exception.

I get there and he is all over me. He suggests watching tv in the bedroom and we’ll “get to the movies later”. Now HERE is where he made his mistake. I was immediately turned off because he kind of forced fooling around as soon as I got in the door. Unlike the British guy who would turn on the tv and we would cuddle and talk for a little while before getting to it, this guy tried to get me straight away.

Now how to get laid is to make the girl feel like sex isn’t forced upon her. If you invite her over to watch movies and smoke pot, follow through on it for a bit. Smoke pot, start a movie, as if your innocent and the plan wasn’t just to fuck her. Then see if she starts to come to you during the movie. If she doesn’t try subtly to get her a few kisses here and there and see how she responds. If she’s not into it and you try to force it most likely you won’t get laid then or ever in the future. Sometimes patience is a virtue.

Girls find it sexy when they feel like they are pushing sex on the guy. It’s a huge turn on for it to be our idea, and ours alone.

Also if you are making out and you try moving the girls hand down to your crotch that is most likely a mistake. If you do it once and she doesn’t seem into it, leave it be, because most likely she’ll just get annoyed and never want to get you off. You have a better chance of trying to fool around with her parts then you getting her to fool around with yours. Ya women also only really care about themselves and if they’re going to get off.

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