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Posts Tagged ‘head’

We’ve all experienced that okay sex. It’s not bad, it’s not great. It’s just okay. It’s better than no sex. I finally went to abercrombie’s place. He followed all the right moves. He offered to go out and rent a video, or make some food, or we could start a movie, or watch what was on tv. I hate when guys invite you over a first time under a ruse and then don’t pretend to follow it. He pretended to follow it. We watched tv and hung out, and finally began making out, and then taking our cloths off. I went down on him for a bit, and he really enjoyed it. Men need to learn to make noises when they get blow jobs, because like abercrombie, those are then men you want to go down on again. Also men in England, or most places besides the USA, men are mostly not circumcised . In the states almost all guys you meet are, so it has been funny living in London and meeting a good deal of uncircumcised penis’s. I’ve decided I like them more. The men seem more sensitive, and there’s more to play with.

Bath in Budapest!

We finally got to the sex, and it turns out he has a problem cumming. I’ve met a few guys like this in my past, and I always feel bad for them. Women we’re used to it, but men aren’t. Now that I usually get off I get pissed when it doesn’t happen for me. The sex was okay, but the condom kept falling off. This was super frustrating since I am overly protective of my vagina. Also during foreplay, before he has a condom on, he always tries to rub it near my vag. When I get antsy he is always saying “It’s not going in”. I don’t care if it is. Until a condom is on your penis, don’t have it touching my vagina. There are std’s in the world, and semen slip ups, and I don’t want to take any chances. I don’t care if that annoys men, but I’m sorry if I girl sets a limit or a rule, follow it.

He wasn’t a good cuddler either. I personally love to cuddle, and he has never had a real relationship, so he doesn’t know how. He was one of those men who sleep with their back to you. That always annoys me, and it makes it hard for me to sleep. Though in the morning when he took a shower and came back wet in just a towel I knew why I was there. The sex is just okay, but the naked body is so worth it. I love having sex with a man whose body is enough to keep me turned on. To have dirty thoughts about.

Soon our dating declined. I think we realize everything we had between us was lust, and once we had sex we realized even that was only okay. I also realized nice as he was, he was dumb as shit. There was nothing to talk about. Since then we’ve become sex friends. I’ve told him about the other guys I’m dating, and he gives me advice and we occasionally have sex. Sometimes we sneak off to the bathroom at our spinning group and give each other oral, which has led to us being trapped in the bathroom when a line forms, and then having to awkwardly exit with everyone giving us dirty looks. I realized that much like a favorite song of mine “I like you so much better when you’re naked”, and that “You’re so sexy, but you’re not really special”.

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So I have found that all men tend to make the same mistakes which lead to women not wanting to sleep with them. Lately every guy I go out with has actually made me not ever want to sleep with them even though I am craving sex like no other. So men here is what women want in a nutshell:

Women want to feel like sex is their idea!

Art Piece on top of the Met

I know you think your chances are getting better by nudging us towards sex, but unless she is a desperate slut with no feeling of self worth she is more likely to sleep with you if you don’t push. Here is an example:

I dated this dominican guy a while back (the one with the foot fetish and who banged me like a jackhammer in a bad way) well he never tried anything more then kissing in the car. He never invited me back to his place to “watch tv” or “drink wine” (women are not idiots). So it got to the point where I was dying to sleep with him and asked him to stay the night at my place. He got laid.

We drifted apart soon after, and I didn’t really care because he was shit in bed. Now I had met his brother on our second date when he took me to a family barbecue (awkward date, never ask a girl to something like this especially if everyone there speaks spanish and she doesn’t). Well his brother is an actor and we had a great chat so we became facebook friends. A week ago his brother asked me out after finding out we haven’t been dating for a while. I promise it wasn’t as weird as it sounds. We went out and grabbed dinner and had a fun time. We sat in his car at the end of the date and he kissed me, and he seemed kind of sweet and nice. We had talked about watching a movie and getting stoned sometime, so he invited me over for Wednesday. I usually never got to a guy’s place on a second date, but I made an exception.

I get there and he is all over me. He suggests watching tv in the bedroom and we’ll “get to the movies later”. Now HERE is where he made his mistake. I was immediately turned off because he kind of forced fooling around as soon as I got in the door. Unlike the British guy who would turn on the tv and we would cuddle and talk for a little while before getting to it, this guy tried to get me straight away.

Now how to get laid is to make the girl feel like sex isn’t forced upon her. If you invite her over to watch movies and smoke pot, follow through on it for a bit. Smoke pot, start a movie, as if your innocent and the plan wasn’t just to fuck her. Then see if she starts to come to you during the movie. If she doesn’t try subtly to get her a few kisses here and there and see how she responds. If she’s not into it and you try to force it most likely you won’t get laid then or ever in the future. Sometimes patience is a virtue.

Girls find it sexy when they feel like they are pushing sex on the guy. It’s a huge turn on for it to be our idea, and ours alone.

Also if you are making out and you try moving the girls hand down to your crotch that is most likely a mistake. If you do it once and she doesn’t seem into it, leave it be, because most likely she’ll just get annoyed and never want to get you off. You have a better chance of trying to fool around with her parts then you getting her to fool around with yours. Ya women also only really care about themselves and if they’re going to get off.

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When I lost my virginity it was very much planned. I’m not talking candles or any of that nonsense, but I knew who and what day I was losing it. So I had time to prepare myself. Here is my advice to any girl who is about to pop their cherry. Sorry guys, I don’t really have any advice for you other than practice putting on a condom.

  • Stretch yourself out. I was one of the lucky girls who didn’t bleed (years of dancing probably did the trick), but either way it will hurt less and make you less nervous if you aren’t quite as tight. Hopefully it will keep you from bleeding as well. You can do this a number of ways. Fingering is one. Masturbation using a vibrator. One of the best ways is to stretch yourself out in the bath tub. The hot water helps.
  • Make sure you have a lot of foreplay. There is no need to rush, and if the guy is trying to rush you he probably isn’t worth fucking. The foreplay gets you wet and ready and will help make for better sex.
  • My biggest advice is USE LUBE. I didn’t for my first time, but later in life when I discovered lubrication I realized it was God’s gift to women. It will help make you a little less sore after your first time. Even if you are wet that can disappear during sex. Lube will last longer. It takes a little while to find the right lube. Make sure it is one that won’t hurt the condom.
  • And of course I know it’s corny, but make sure you are ready. Every woman should remember that sex is never about pleasing a man. It is about pleasing yourself. I don’t do things in bed to make the man happy. I do things that make myself happy, and that usually ends up pleasing them even more because I am enjoying it.
  • Oh and make sure the guys not a douche. He doesn’t have to be your boyfriend or anything, but if he’s an asshole you will regret it.

Just know that there is no flash of lightning, no sudden change. It may be awful. Even if it’s not it will probably be mediocre. You’ll be confused of why sex is a big deal. Believe me it gets better. It gets addictive and amazing.

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Okay men are just starting to downright annoy me. And right now I’m just kind of pissed off. The Brit got back from England last Tuesday and he is swamped with work from being away for two weeks. We planned a time for me to come by and get my bikini that I had forgotten at his place. When I got there we watched tv for a little bit before just getting it on. The sex was amazing yet again. Afterwards we lay on his couch for a while, and then we took a shower. Right after he started replying to more work emails while I sat and drank the water he gave me. Then he left to go running and walked me out.

Two days go by and I’m horny as hell and I send him a text saying “Is it wrong that I can’t get sex off my mind”. No response. He sucks at responding some times, and I’ve been there to see him a get and endless supply of calls and texts so I write it off. Friday comes and I text him to say that I’m going to be hanging at the pool that’s close to him a bunch this weekend and does he want to join me. A few hours later when I’ve given up he texts me to say that Saturday he is going to be in CT playing cricket, but possibly Sunday. Later that night when I’m drunk and horny I send him a dirty text. NO response.

I wake up this morning, it is Sunday to find 4 texts from him. To be fair it’s really two texts that didn’t fit in one text each time. As following:

At 5:34: Yes definitely have been thinking about you. A symbiosis between you and my penis ! Same as the past few weeks just need u to get into it for the first t- (texts breaks here and continues in another text) ime….!!      U frigid cow!!!

At 5:46: I know you are up, you cheeky little girl, stop pretending !   And then he sent the sam text from before in this one and had to finish it in a second text.

What the hell?

Okay I’m not exactly sure what he meant by any of this. To be fair I have dirty texted him before so I opened the door for it. I’m not sure what he meant by getting me into it for the first time. I think it might be that we discussed last time that I haven’t cum with him yet. Now as for the frigid cow, I have no fucking clue what that is about. I’m not a frigid person. I’m fun and wild, and that is just weird.

So I texted him at 9:30: Um how drunk were you when you texted me? Lol. Let me know if you want to join me at the pool today.

NO response. I figure he’s asleep or hungover. He was texting me at nearly 6 in the morning. Finally at 3 pm I call him and leave a message just saying that his texts were hilarious, and intriguing and he should call me and explain them because I was confused about them. No response. What is with this guy? I like him and I know he hasn’t been laid by anyone but me in months. He tells me a bunch how he can’t stop thinking about me. At this point I am baffled. Can anyone explain his behavior?

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Masturbation is an art form. Each person has to master their own perfect art of it. The great thing is that there is no judgement if you do the same thing every time. You are not in a rut, or boring. You know what gets you off and you do it.

I love public art!

I always imagine very dirty situations, and hump a pillow. Ya I know a bit odd, but I’ve done it since I was a kid. Usually they are somewhat rape like situations (don’t judge me, you do the same thing). Now I have gotten into reading erotic stories. I just google sex fantasy stories and go to town. Usually I read stories in the BDSM section, or even the torture section of some sites. That may sound fucked up, but we are all turned on by something. The funny thing is that people are usually turned on by something they are unwilling to try.

I always get off when I’m having sex and a guy starts telling me how he wants to fuck me up the ass without my consent. I have never had anal sex, and really never want to, but there is something so sexy in dirtiness of it that it turns me on. I don’t even want to try it because I feel like it will ruin the fantasy of it. I couldn’t have guys whisper to me about it because it would no longer be the thing I hadn’t tried ( I have had a finger up the butt though).

My advice to people who want better masturbation is to find what their dirty little out of bounds turn on is, and then to read a bunch of dirty stories to it while grinding against something, and when they are fully turned on to go and make their own story up while getting them self fully off.

Hope it works for you. By the way, what are your dirty turn ons that you haven’t (or won’t ever) tried?

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Queefing is normal. Both men and women need to learn to understand that. In my experience I have found guys to be pretty understanding of the queef (for the most part). Some are oddly turned on by it. I don’t think there is a girl out there who isn’t embarrassed of queefing. For those of you who don’t now queefing is when air is released from the vagina, generally during sex or what not, and it makes a farting sound.

Dylan's Candy Bar.

The best thing to do is to laugh it off, or to just ignore it. Honestly though I know how awful it feels when one queefs in front of anyone. I once queefed twice in front of an entire dance class. We all had to choreograph our own little routines. IN my I got on the floor and had my legs up in the air. We performed them in front of the class with no music. Just silence. The first time I put my legs up in the air I queefed. I was also like 13 at the time, and didn’t really understand queefing. I had to repeat this dance step, and it happened again. Oh GOD. It was a nightmare.

So if you ever queef during sex don’t feel shitty. You didn”t do it in front of an entire room of a silent watching audience. During sex it doesn’t throw a guy off that much. They usually know what it is, and either way they’re getting laid so they don’t care.

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So when searching around the internet I came across an article by askmen.com. The article was Get Her To Ejaculate. http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_150/184_love_tip.html

There were so many things wrong in this article that it is hard even to begin, but now I know why men are so bad at getting women off. It’s because guys write shit articles and men believe it.

Fountain in the Met.

The article goes on about how there is a good chance of a women peeing herself when she ejaculates, and that if this happens you should be cool about it. Now when nearing orgasm it may feel like you’re about to pee, but it is almost impossible to urinate when turned on. If you’re a woman just think about trying to go to the bathroom after sex, you feel like you need to pee but you can’t make it happen. Later in the article the writer contradicts themselves by saying it is so unlikely that a woman would pee at climax (make up your mind).

They also tell their readers that you will most likely get her to ejaculate through a g spot orgasm. Now I don’t know exactly about ejaculating, but is very unlikely you will even get her to orgasm at all through a g spot orgasm, most women only get clitoris orgasms, me included. Then they continue on in instructions for this which are basically lick her clitoris and finger her (duh that seemed obvious if you wanted to make her orgasm).

Why does ejaculation matter to men? It should be instead make her orgasm because sorry we care way more about cumming than wetting our crotches to make men feel good about themselves. Sorry about the rant, but askmen.com made me a little mad. Men if you have any problem getting your woman off buy a vibrating cock ring and go to town on her. She shouldn’t have any problems then, and she will love you for it.

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