Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘lube’

We’ve all experienced that okay sex. It’s not bad, it’s not great. It’s just okay. It’s better than no sex. I finally went to abercrombie’s place. He followed all the right moves. He offered to go out and rent a video, or make some food, or we could start a movie, or watch what was on tv. I hate when guys invite you over a first time under a ruse and then don’t pretend to follow it. He pretended to follow it. We watched tv and hung out, and finally began making out, and then taking our cloths off. I went down on him for a bit, and he really enjoyed it. Men need to learn to make noises when they get blow jobs, because like abercrombie, those are then men you want to go down on again. Also men in England, or most places besides the USA, men are mostly not circumcised . In the states almost all guys you meet are, so it has been funny living in London and meeting a good deal of uncircumcised penis’s. I’ve decided I like them more. The men seem more sensitive, and there’s more to play with.

Bath in Budapest!

We finally got to the sex, and it turns out he has a problem cumming. I’ve met a few guys like this in my past, and I always feel bad for them. Women we’re used to it, but men aren’t. Now that I usually get off I get pissed when it doesn’t happen for me. The sex was okay, but the condom kept falling off. This was super frustrating since I am overly protective of my vagina. Also during foreplay, before he has a condom on, he always tries to rub it near my vag. When I get antsy he is always saying “It’s not going in”. I don’t care if it is. Until a condom is on your penis, don’t have it touching my vagina. There are std’s in the world, and semen slip ups, and I don’t want to take any chances. I don’t care if that annoys men, but I’m sorry if I girl sets a limit or a rule, follow it.

He wasn’t a good cuddler either. I personally love to cuddle, and he has never had a real relationship, so he doesn’t know how. He was one of those men who sleep with their back to you. That always annoys me, and it makes it hard for me to sleep. Though in the morning when he took a shower and came back wet in just a towel I knew why I was there. The sex is just okay, but the naked body is so worth it. I love having sex with a man whose body is enough to keep me turned on. To have dirty thoughts about.

Soon our dating declined. I think we realize everything we had between us was lust, and once we had sex we realized even that was only okay. I also realized nice as he was, he was dumb as shit. There was nothing to talk about. Since then we’ve become sex friends. I’ve told him about the other guys I’m dating, and he gives me advice and we occasionally have sex. Sometimes we sneak off to the bathroom at our spinning group and give each other oral, which has led to us being trapped in the bathroom when a line forms, and then having to awkwardly exit with everyone giving us dirty looks. I realized that much like a favorite song of mine “I like you so much better when you’re naked”, and that “You’re so sexy, but you’re not really special”.

Read Full Post »

I have found the World’s Cutest Condom Store, and I never thought such a thing would even ever exist. My friend’s and I (and I say friends lightly because the girls I traveled with were annoying as hell) went to Amsterdam for a weekend. Walking around one night near the Red Light District we found this adorable store. They had cute little condoms made into to all different animals, statues and shapes. It was cute as hell, and we swore to come back when they were open.

We did come back and we found more cute things. Condoms that were inside of chestnut shells, and more adorable animal condoms. They also sold almost every brand of condom out there, as well as female condoms, and vibrating cock rings. It was safe sex heaven. Also the animal condoms are only for decoration, and not safe for sex. I forget the name, but if you’re ever in Amsterdam I recommend you find this store.

My froggy condom!

Read Full Post »

Mysteries of Men

I am currently living London, where I have had many fun exploits. Recently though I met someone amazing. If you are reading this and think this is going to be some love full gaga story, don’t worry, it won’t be. I have recently started attending burning events throughout Europe. They are spin offs of Burning Man in the States. (Yes I say the States, I live in London. I also say chips, crisps, and where is the toilet.) At the London Burner Party I met this fabulous guy. He was funny, sweet, and somewhat sexy. The party goes until 7 am, but around 3:30 am we were both tired, so he asked me back to his place. I went on the condition that he understand I would not have sex with him. He accepted this and we spent an amazing night fooling around, a great morning, and around 1 pm he took me to breakfast and then drove me home. Also he is the world’s best cuddler. We wake up just as we fell asleep, with my head on his chest.

The John Lennon Wall in Prague

Later that day he texted to ask me out for that week. He took me to a gorgeous restaurant, at which he had made a reservation. We went for drinks, and again went back to his place to only fool around. When I get home the next day I receive a text telling me what a wonderful time he had. I go out of town and he continues to text me while I’m away for a week. On our next date, after having a nice Italian lunch, going to an art gallery, and getting cake and coffee we finally sleep together, and the sex is amazing. Afterwards he wants to keep the light on so he can just look at me. He smiles at me like I’m amazing, and for the first time in a long while I am not just bored with him after sex, because I find him truly interesting. We are both into theater and art.He texts me multiple times the next day saying things like “What an amazing eve. And great way to wake up 😉 Thank you. Have a good dayxx” and later that day “Been smiling to myself all day. Couldn’t concentrate for toffee”.

We get together another night for more mind blowing sex, and he comes on bottom, which he says is a first for him. We have more great morning sex as well. Then he texts me “Haven’t stopped smiling all day! Thank you for a great night.” When he is gone that weekend he texts me “missing your sexyness” as well as “God sex was good Wednesday”, and after he texts me to ask how I am doing I here nothing back from him for days. This starts to get more strange as he doesn’t reply to anything I’ve sent. I start to wonder if he has lost his phone. Normally I would just think a guy is blowing me off, but this seems a strange point to blow me off at. I finally leave him a voicemail with my phone number in case he lost his phone. I get a text that night saying “Soz for the lack of communication. Work has been an arse and sent me to Barcelona on Monday and just landed at heathrow, just heading home. Absolutely buggered. You around this weekend x” I text him back which days I am free. Then I hear nothing from him. On Friday I text him “You want to do something this weekend? I could use some great sex after the long week I’ve had.” I hear nothing. This all seems very strange to me. A few days later I text him to ask him why the disappearance, and if he is blowing me off could I just have a reason. I let him know since I’m only here for a little while I’m just in this for fun and sex. Still I have heard nothing.

This has screwed with my head way more than the normal guy blow off. This guy seemed ridiculously into me. The sex was amazing, and he stopped talking to me at an odd point. He was the one texting me about missing me, and how great sex was. Then BOOM nothing. And then when he does respond about Barcelona, nothing after that, even after he asked about my weekend plans. I have started to think that he was just playing me from the beginning, which if so men have become even better actors. After years of dating in NYC I thought I could generally judge a man using me, but this one didn’t change even right after sex, but literally mid text conversation. If you have any idea as to what happened, please let me know. I’m at the point where I just feel he was a user, but at the same time I can’t believe a guy would go this far into acting, and the after follow through. So what the hell happened? (I have even more cutesy texts than that, but I thought I’d spare you)

Read Full Post »

So blow jobs are often the bane of every woman’s existence. I have never had much problem with them before, until recently. I like oral as an appetizer to sex, but not the main course. Recently though I began dating my sexy older man. At first he pleased me a bunch because it seemed like he was a guy who just wanted to go down on a girl a ton. Yay. Sometimes though the oral began going on for too long. I like oral like any girl, but at some point if I haven’t come yet, I’m not going to and instead I’m bored.

New MexicoThen he started wanting blow jobs to go on forever. He also has a very large penis which makes this more aggravating. He also asks for blow jobs by asking if you will “kiss him”. Something is irksome about that, but it is better than a guy who pushes your head toward their dick. Those guys my friends and I say we will never blow.

At some point during blowing him I would finally beg him to fuck me, but instead he just wanted to finish off orally. This is especially true for when we were doing 69. I know hardly any women who actually enjoy 69. The position is awkward and slightly gross. I would rather take turns, and honestly I don’t even notice what is going on with my vagina when I am trying to suck someone else off.

Luckily this has all gotten a bit better, and we’ve found a happy medium. But it just sucks when a man who is terrific at sex and who has a huge penis just wants oral because then we women just feel like we’re missing out.

Read Full Post »

So I have found that all men tend to make the same mistakes which lead to women not wanting to sleep with them. Lately every guy I go out with has actually made me not ever want to sleep with them even though I am craving sex like no other. So men here is what women want in a nutshell:

Women want to feel like sex is their idea!

Art Piece on top of the Met

I know you think your chances are getting better by nudging us towards sex, but unless she is a desperate slut with no feeling of self worth she is more likely to sleep with you if you don’t push. Here is an example:

I dated this dominican guy a while back (the one with the foot fetish and who banged me like a jackhammer in a bad way) well he never tried anything more then kissing in the car. He never invited me back to his place to “watch tv” or “drink wine” (women are not idiots). So it got to the point where I was dying to sleep with him and asked him to stay the night at my place. He got laid.

We drifted apart soon after, and I didn’t really care because he was shit in bed. Now I had met his brother on our second date when he took me to a family barbecue (awkward date, never ask a girl to something like this especially if everyone there speaks spanish and she doesn’t). Well his brother is an actor and we had a great chat so we became facebook friends. A week ago his brother asked me out after finding out we haven’t been dating for a while. I promise it wasn’t as weird as it sounds. We went out and grabbed dinner and had a fun time. We sat in his car at the end of the date and he kissed me, and he seemed kind of sweet and nice. We had talked about watching a movie and getting stoned sometime, so he invited me over for Wednesday. I usually never got to a guy’s place on a second date, but I made an exception.

I get there and he is all over me. He suggests watching tv in the bedroom and we’ll “get to the movies later”. Now HERE is where he made his mistake. I was immediately turned off because he kind of forced fooling around as soon as I got in the door. Unlike the British guy who would turn on the tv and we would cuddle and talk for a little while before getting to it, this guy tried to get me straight away.

Now how to get laid is to make the girl feel like sex isn’t forced upon her. If you invite her over to watch movies and smoke pot, follow through on it for a bit. Smoke pot, start a movie, as if your innocent and the plan wasn’t just to fuck her. Then see if she starts to come to you during the movie. If she doesn’t try subtly to get her a few kisses here and there and see how she responds. If she’s not into it and you try to force it most likely you won’t get laid then or ever in the future. Sometimes patience is a virtue.

Girls find it sexy when they feel like they are pushing sex on the guy. It’s a huge turn on for it to be our idea, and ours alone.

Also if you are making out and you try moving the girls hand down to your crotch that is most likely a mistake. If you do it once and she doesn’t seem into it, leave it be, because most likely she’ll just get annoyed and never want to get you off. You have a better chance of trying to fool around with her parts then you getting her to fool around with yours. Ya women also only really care about themselves and if they’re going to get off.

Read Full Post »

When I lost my virginity it was very much planned. I’m not talking candles or any of that nonsense, but I knew who and what day I was losing it. So I had time to prepare myself. Here is my advice to any girl who is about to pop their cherry. Sorry guys, I don’t really have any advice for you other than practice putting on a condom.

  • Stretch yourself out. I was one of the lucky girls who didn’t bleed (years of dancing probably did the trick), but either way it will hurt less and make you less nervous if you aren’t quite as tight. Hopefully it will keep you from bleeding as well. You can do this a number of ways. Fingering is one. Masturbation using a vibrator. One of the best ways is to stretch yourself out in the bath tub. The hot water helps.
  • Make sure you have a lot of foreplay. There is no need to rush, and if the guy is trying to rush you he probably isn’t worth fucking. The foreplay gets you wet and ready and will help make for better sex.
  • My biggest advice is USE LUBE. I didn’t for my first time, but later in life when I discovered lubrication I realized it was God’s gift to women. It will help make you a little less sore after your first time. Even if you are wet that can disappear during sex. Lube will last longer. It takes a little while to find the right lube. Make sure it is one that won’t hurt the condom.
  • And of course I know it’s corny, but make sure you are ready. Every woman should remember that sex is never about pleasing a man. It is about pleasing yourself. I don’t do things in bed to make the man happy. I do things that make myself happy, and that usually ends up pleasing them even more because I am enjoying it.
  • Oh and make sure the guys not a douche. He doesn’t have to be your boyfriend or anything, but if he’s an asshole you will regret it.

Just know that there is no flash of lightning, no sudden change. It may be awful. Even if it’s not it will probably be mediocre. You’ll be confused of why sex is a big deal. Believe me it gets better. It gets addictive and amazing.

Read Full Post »

Okay men are just starting to downright annoy me. And right now I’m just kind of pissed off. The Brit got back from England last Tuesday and he is swamped with work from being away for two weeks. We planned a time for me to come by and get my bikini that I had forgotten at his place. When I got there we watched tv for a little bit before just getting it on. The sex was amazing yet again. Afterwards we lay on his couch for a while, and then we took a shower. Right after he started replying to more work emails while I sat and drank the water he gave me. Then he left to go running and walked me out.

Two days go by and I’m horny as hell and I send him a text saying “Is it wrong that I can’t get sex off my mind”. No response. He sucks at responding some times, and I’ve been there to see him a get and endless supply of calls and texts so I write it off. Friday comes and I text him to say that I’m going to be hanging at the pool that’s close to him a bunch this weekend and does he want to join me. A few hours later when I’ve given up he texts me to say that Saturday he is going to be in CT playing cricket, but possibly Sunday. Later that night when I’m drunk and horny I send him a dirty text. NO response.

I wake up this morning, it is Sunday to find 4 texts from him. To be fair it’s really two texts that didn’t fit in one text each time. As following:

At 5:34: Yes definitely have been thinking about you. A symbiosis between you and my penis ! Same as the past few weeks just need u to get into it for the first t- (texts breaks here and continues in another text) ime….!!      U frigid cow!!!

At 5:46: I know you are up, you cheeky little girl, stop pretending !   And then he sent the sam text from before in this one and had to finish it in a second text.

What the hell?

Okay I’m not exactly sure what he meant by any of this. To be fair I have dirty texted him before so I opened the door for it. I’m not sure what he meant by getting me into it for the first time. I think it might be that we discussed last time that I haven’t cum with him yet. Now as for the frigid cow, I have no fucking clue what that is about. I’m not a frigid person. I’m fun and wild, and that is just weird.

So I texted him at 9:30: Um how drunk were you when you texted me? Lol. Let me know if you want to join me at the pool today.

NO response. I figure he’s asleep or hungover. He was texting me at nearly 6 in the morning. Finally at 3 pm I call him and leave a message just saying that his texts were hilarious, and intriguing and he should call me and explain them because I was confused about them. No response. What is with this guy? I like him and I know he hasn’t been laid by anyone but me in months. He tells me a bunch how he can’t stop thinking about me. At this point I am baffled. Can anyone explain his behavior?

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »