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Posts Tagged ‘sex’

Since last writing I have become a professional hula hooper. Yes, that may sound strange, but I do much more than simply hula hoop. Think circus tricks with a hula hoop. It doesn’t hurt that I have a body that looks great in a bikini (believe me I still have all the normal complexes women have anyway). This has helped me with street performing and with getting jobs LED hooping in clubs. I would tell you to look me up on youtube, but I’m anonymous on here so sorry.

HIgh Tea

High Tea at the British Museum

One day while street performing a gorgeous young guy sat near me writing. I barely ever saw him looking at me to my dismay. I’m used to guys oggling or asking me out when I street perform. Finally when I was one my break he came over and asked if I would be interested in performing at a friend’s gig. We got to talking and I asked if he would like to get coffee, and he then asked me for lunch instead. We spent the rest of the day together, oh and I forgot to mention he was Australian. Yeah, gold mine. He was a total sweetheart and we ended up spending the next few days side by side. He never pressured me for sex either. We spent our whole second date watching youtube videos in my bed, and he never tried a thing until I began making out with him. Then it was hot and heavy, but he never tried to push sex on me. He was always willing to come to my place, and to leave at 1 am when I kicked him out because of an early class. After a month of tye dying, lunch dates, nights cuddling, and yes very hot sex (came every time) he had to leave for Australia. He wanted me to wait for him to come back in a couple of months but I have made no promises. We still skype for an hour or so every few days. Sometimes I’m topless and touching myself (all my own idea not his., though he appreciates greatly). This instant click has reminded me of two very important lessons that all women, and especially all women in NYC need to remember.

1. You will NEVER meet a decent guy in a bar.

I know it seems like a bar is the only place to meet a man, and I thought so too for a long time, but you will never meet one there. They only want hook ups. Even when they ask you on a date, these guys are only in it for the end game. Spare yourself the time, and learn this rule. Of course if you like free meals then go out with guys from bars, and tune out everything they say.

2. If a guy really like you then he will come to you.

There are no mixed signals from a guy who really likes you. You should both feel that instant click. He will come to where ever you want, when you want. You won’t have to come to his neck of the woods, he will come to yours. He will work hard to be in your life, and he won’t play games. The guys who have truly liked me have always been clear about it. And it is true if his signals are off then he probably just isn’t that into you.

Now hopefully all will work out with the Australian, but while he”s gone I’ve started sleeping with my new Hot Dork. See next blog post for details.

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I have found the World’s Cutest Condom Store, and I never thought such a thing would even ever exist. My friend’s and I (and I say friends lightly because the girls I traveled with were annoying as hell) went to Amsterdam for a weekend. Walking around one night near the Red Light District we found this adorable store. They had cute little condoms made into to all different animals, statues and shapes. It was cute as hell, and we swore to come back when they were open.

We did come back and we found more cute things. Condoms that were inside of chestnut shells, and more adorable animal condoms. They also sold almost every brand of condom out there, as well as female condoms, and vibrating cock rings. It was safe sex heaven. Also the animal condoms are only for decoration, and not safe for sex. I forget the name, but if you’re ever in Amsterdam I recommend you find this store.

My froggy condom!

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Spots that turn a decent amount of girls on, and most men as well:

  • Kissing the back of the neck. We like that so please do it. While we’re spooning is nice, but feel free to come up behind us, pull our hair aside and kiss the back of our necks.
  • The ear is a great place. The key is to do it right. Don’t slobber over our ears. Gently nibble on the, and for the best effect let out a little breath or even a ever so soft moan into our ear and it will get us going. Same works on guys, believe me.
  • Our inner thighs are crucial. If you want to eat us out don’t just stay on our pussy. Take moments to tease us by moving away and kissing the inside of our thighs.
  • Our fingertips are a great sensitive area. Please kiss them and just slightly put them in you mouth. It’s hot and feels good.
  • Pulling our hair gently feels great. It reminds us that you aren’t entirely a good little boy.

If only snow wasn't so cold.

So everyone remember that you have to give love to a lot of different spots on the body. Not just the genitals.

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Now I have never been a fan of the idea of food sex. I love food. And I love sex, but the idea of combining to two just seemed like a messy idea that probably would sound better than it would be. This I have found is not actually the case. Now the key I have learned is in moderation. If you cover large portions of yourself in whip cream your just going to end up sticky and gross, but if you use it in moderation it can be a lot of tasty fun.

Washington Square Park

This new guy and I decided on the spur of the moment to have some fun with whip cream. We picked up a can on the way back to his place. There we fooled around on the couch and the floor, and using the whip cream. He would squirt just a dab of it on my nipple and eat it off. Or make a a happy trail on me and eat it all the way down. Now the key hear was using just a little bit at a time. I would do the same to him. Just put a little in your partner’s erogenous zone and lick it off. It’s a lot of fun.

He actually lived with his parents though, and the next day he had to explain to his mom why he had a bottle of whip cream in his room, and a condom wrapper in his pant’s pocket.

This experience also reminded me of the crazy food sex ideas my friends and I would come up with when we were just dirty minded kids. The top two were masturbating with a candy bar, which would make you taste good if a guy ate you out after. The other was to get hot doughnuts from Krispy Kreme and put them on a guys penis and eat them off . Makes for an interesting and tasty start to a blow job. To be clear I’ve never actually tried either of these, they were just wild ideas. But if you do try them let me know how it goes.

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I date in NYC, so I have seen just about every line guys use to get you back to their apartment, or yours. At the end of a date a guy will try to entice you back to their place.

  • Trying to invite you over for a drink, or to share a bottle of wine. The drinking portion will last two seconds, and they they will be trying to get into your pants.
  • Saying that they have a great roof to hang out on. They also have a bedroom, but they don’t bring that up until five minutes of hanging out on the roof.
  • Television, watching a movie, or watching a sports game is less used, but I have seen it. And you will not get to watch any of the movie.
  • Weed. And you’ll only actually get to smoke if you’re lucky. Sometimes they’re asses who promise to smoke you up, but only try to screw you instead.
  • If they have a car in NYC, they will try to offer to give you a ride home in hopes that once your in the car it will be harder for you to say no to coming over.

Cony Island

Know one thing, even if you tell them before you agree to come over that you will not be fooling around with them, and that you hate when guys try that, they still will. Rule of thumb, DO NOT go to their place unless you want to fool around.

Also, even your place is a no no. They will still try to get into your pants. Do not think you are better off at fending them off there.

And men, the reason women don’t want to sleep with you is because you are always trying to immediately get into their pants. Just because you spent $7 on a gin an tonic does not mean we are fair game. This especially goes for not as attractive looking men going on a date with a more attractive girl. In their mind they are already taking a step down the looks ladder because they like your personality. They are NOT going to sleep with you right away. Women will sleep with gorgeous guys sooner, but that’s because they are more sexually attracted to them.

Recently I went out with this short so-so looking guy. He was a few inches shorter than me, and not as attractive as I usually date, but he had a great personality. Our date was really fun, and we had lots to talk about. After he offered me a ride home, then he tried to talk me into coming back to his place to share a bottle of wine. I said no, but that he could come over to my place and drink it. He was up for it, until I mentioned that I shared a room with a girl, he then abruptly dropped me off at my place. Ya he’s definitely an ass, and I may sound cocky, but he’s definitely not hot enough for me to fool around with right away.

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My friend was recently strapped for cash, so she took a job as a professional dominatrix at a dungeon. She’s never done this sort of work before, but the ┬ámanager seemed nice and told her no sex was involved.

She went in for her first night where she would be training by working with the other girls. She kept getting offered jobs, but a lot of them she turned down. One man she turned down liked to have four girls in the room. One to have for him to look at, one to twist his nipples,one to jerk him off , and one to shove a dildo up his ass. I don’t actually think this is legal. He is a regular supposedly, so they do things they normally don’t do for most clients. You can understand why she didn’t want to work that job.

Next she was offered to wrestle a man in her underwear. He was in a speedo and he taught the girls wrestling moves and had them try them out on him, but he did not wrestle back. They choked him, and kicked him in the balls repeatedly.

She decided to turn down a bunch of jobs because she didn’t want to pee on anyone, give an enema, or make out with other girls (her boyfriend considers that cheating). She was just about to give up and quit when the manager told her there was a man coming in who only wanted to smoke cigarettes with her, so she agreed. She came in and he asked for some time to prepare for the session. She left the room and when she came back he was buck naked wearing a mask that had a tube coming from his mouth. She had to puff the ciggs and blow smoke through the tube to him while he jacked himself off. Some people are turned on by strange things. For this she got paid $80 and a $20 tip. She had to smoke like 10 ciggs and her mouth tasted of smoke until the next night.

So if you are considering working at a dungeon know that it is not all whipping men and calling them names. It is a sketchy business that is only suited for some.

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So I have found that all men tend to make the same mistakes which lead to women not wanting to sleep with them. Lately every guy I go out with has actually made me not ever want to sleep with them even though I am craving sex like no other. So men here is what women want in a nutshell:

Women want to feel like sex is their idea!

Art Piece on top of the Met

I know you think your chances are getting better by nudging us towards sex, but unless she is a desperate slut with no feeling of self worth she is more likely to sleep with you if you don’t push. Here is an example:

I dated this dominican guy a while back (the one with the foot fetish and who banged me like a jackhammer in a bad way) well he never tried anything more then kissing in the car. He never invited me back to his place to “watch tv” or “drink wine” (women are not idiots). So it got to the point where I was dying to sleep with him and asked him to stay the night at my place. He got laid.

We drifted apart soon after, and I didn’t really care because he was shit in bed. Now I had met his brother on our second date when he took me to a family barbecue (awkward date, never ask a girl to something like this especially if everyone there speaks spanish and she doesn’t). Well his brother is an actor and we had a great chat so we became facebook friends. A week ago his brother asked me out after finding out we haven’t been dating for a while. I promise it wasn’t as weird as it sounds. We went out and grabbed dinner and had a fun time. We sat in his car at the end of the date and he kissed me, and he seemed kind of sweet and nice. We had talked about watching a movie and getting stoned sometime, so he invited me over for Wednesday. I usually never got to a guy’s place on a second date, but I made an exception.

I get there and he is all over me. He suggests watching tv in the bedroom and we’ll “get to the movies later”. Now HERE is where he made his mistake. I was immediately turned off because he kind of forced fooling around as soon as I got in the door. Unlike the British guy who would turn on the tv and we would cuddle and talk for a little while before getting to it, this guy tried to get me straight away.

Now how to get laid is to make the girl feel like sex isn’t forced upon her. If you invite her over to watch movies and smoke pot, follow through on it for a bit. Smoke pot, start a movie, as if your innocent and the plan wasn’t just to fuck her. Then see if she starts to come to you during the movie. If she doesn’t try subtly to get her a few kisses here and there and see how she responds. If she’s not into it and you try to force it most likely you won’t get laid then or ever in the future. Sometimes patience is a virtue.

Girls find it sexy when they feel like they are pushing sex on the guy. It’s a huge turn on for it to be our idea, and ours alone.

Also if you are making out and you try moving the girls hand down to your crotch that is most likely a mistake. If you do it once and she doesn’t seem into it, leave it be, because most likely she’ll just get annoyed and never want to get you off. You have a better chance of trying to fool around with her parts then you getting her to fool around with yours. Ya women also only really care about themselves and if they’re going to get off.

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